Boyfriend hitting the bottle

I’ve been seeing “Dave” for four years. Even in the midst of this recession, he has no trouble finding good jobs.

Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing “Dave” for four years. Even in the midst of this recession, he has no trouble finding good jobs.

The problem is, he gets depressed, drinks too much and gets fired, or decides the job is not for him and quits.

He spends all his money, often losing his apartment. Then he ends up on my doorstep.

I cannot afford to support Dave. He is considerate and does all the housework and cooking when he is here, but the situation drives me crazy.

My landlord could throw me out if someone reports that Dave is living here. Dave is a veteran and eligible for Social Security benefits. I think he needs more help than I can give him. If things continue, we may both be out on the street.

Please help. — Baffled in the Midwest

Dear Baffled: You are right that Dave needs professional help to find out why he sabotages every job and spends his money until he loses his apartment. Suggest that he go to his local VA for assistance. Then decide what you want from this relationship because you cannot change him, and the situation will continue until he gets help or you break it off.

Dear Annie: I am 13 years old and school starts next week. Last year didn’t end so well.

My best friends, “Becky and Amanda,” started befriending people who use drugs and alcohol. I don’t want to be around that stuff.

We all knew the friendship wasn’t working anymore, so I decided to do us all a favor and end things. I began by ignoring them for two weeks, hoping they’d get the hint. I told Becky we were through, but she never told Amanda.

I know I should have done it differently, but I didn’t. By the time Amanda found out, everything was going downhill. They would talk about me loudly on the bus. I moved seats, listened to music, anything to drown out the sound, but nothing worked.

I don’t want another year like that. I have other friends, but they don’t take the same bus. What should I do? — Helpless with Old Friends

Dear Helpless: You are learning a painful lesson in growing up, but you sound smart enough to handle it. Your ex-friends will continue to taunt you as long as they can get a reaction. No matter how loud and obnoxious they are, you must learn to ignore them. Open a book, put in your earbuds or make friends with someone else on the bus. In time, they will find better things to do and so will you.

Hang in there.

Dear Annie: Please print this for “Nightmare in Maine”: Thank you for writing to Annie about your friend Kelly, who got drunk and was raped by her brother’s best friend. I experienced a similar incident. Because my parents would never have approved if they’d known I was drinking at a party, it complicated telling anyone who could help me.

I am now 34 and just finding the clarity from the anger, shame and guilt I have carried around. I convinced myself I was responsible for allowing the rape to happen, even though I was passed out when it occurred. I told a pastor about it a few years back, and when he discovered there was alcohol involved, he said, “Well, you can understand how he might not have seen it the same way you do.” That response made things worse.

While I agree with Annie to be gentle with Kelly, please try to convince her to speak with a professional.

I have gone through rape crisis/sexual assault group therapy and cannot stress enough that I wish I had told people sooner. Kelly did not deserve to be raped.

Her brother deserves to know about his friend and to be given the opportunity to stick up for his sister. The rapist deserves to know what he did was wrong and cannot be allowed to continue. He, too, needs help. — Healing Without Church

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Just Posted

Cannabis legalization won’t impact one Red Deer pot dispensary

Nothing changes for Compass Cannabis Clinic in Red Deer despite legalization

Cannabis retail store will open later in October in Red Deer

Two cannabis stores coming to downtown Red Deer

Neighbours drop opposition to Red Deer County communications tower

Communication tower to be located in Balmoral Heights

Legal cannabis comes with many unknowns: Red Deer County councillors

Councillors question how rural municipalities will be able to enforce cannabis regulations

Kitten season puts pressure on Red Deer shelter

More public education needed to control cat population

WATCH: Two weeks away from Canadian Finals Rodeo in Red Deer

In just two weeks, Ponoka’s Shayna Weir will compete with the best… Continue reading

‘Start low, go slow’: Experts walk bud beginners through cannabis 101

With the countdown to cannabis legalization Wednesday ticking towards 4-20, some novice… Continue reading

NHL stays with status quo as Canada pot legalization looms

As Riley Cote took and delivered countless punches over more than a… Continue reading

Paul Stanley: Kiss farewell tour could include ex-members

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — It won’t be all night, but former members… Continue reading

Judge tosses Stormy Daniels’ defamation suit against Trump

WASHINGTON — A federal judge dismissed Stormy Daniels’ defamation lawsuit against President… Continue reading

Canada open to growing trade with China now that USMCA is a done deal: PM

TORONTO — Canada is open to doing more business with China now… Continue reading

Pot shop raids “highly unlikely” on Wednesday: head of police chiefs

VANCOUVER — Police departments across Canada are fully prepared for marijuana legalization… Continue reading

Campers will be able to smoke cannabis at campsites in Canada’s national parks

Parks Canada says visitors should do their research on cannabis before going… Continue reading

U.S. pot firms urge Trump to deny Canadian producers’ ‘competitive advantage’

WASHINGTON — An American cannabis producer is warning President Donald Trump that… Continue reading

Most Read