Catchy slogans that will never be used

Every entity would like a catchy slogan that becomes a part of their brand. Millions of dollars are spent to get the exact message for the customer.

Every entity would like a catchy slogan that becomes a part of their brand. Millions of dollars are spent to get the exact message for the customer.

Here are a few such slogans that will never get run up any flag pole — let alone be saluted.

Las Vegas: What happens in Vegas is that your cash stays in Vegas. Forever.

Somalia: Tired of pointless bloody civil wars? Why not embark on a new and exciting career in high seas piracy?

Ireland: We may be flat broke but we still have Guinness.

United States: Minding the world’s business since 1776.

England: We may sound sophisticated but we still love a good soccer riot.

India: We answer the world’s phone calls. We also like to make phone calls — lots of them

Arizona: Proudly owned and operated by Canadians since 2008.

Germany: These days we will settle for world soccer domination.

France: We may not be very friendly but we’re pretty easy to invade.

Afghanistan: The only parts we won’t blow up are the opium poppy fields. Cordially; the bad guys.

Pakistan: Whose side are we on today?

Iraq: Saddam has left the building — and we’re fixing the bombed-out ones.

Russian: Democracy? Are you Putin me on?

Ivory Coast: Proud to be not even as good at democracy as Russia.

Iran: Enriched uranium — for a better tomorrow.

Australia: Home of world-class beer drinkers, giant pouched rabbits and a weird kind of football.

South Korea: Having a real crazy guy with potential thermo-nuclear weapons right next door just makes us Kim Jong-il.

Mexico: Come for the beaches — stay for the blazing gun battles.

Canada: We’re the quiet and boring neighbour with a drinking problem.

Los Angeles: Our earthquakes, mudslides and firestorms are not surgically enhanced.

Cuba: Sure we’re poor, but we have 1950s fin cars — lots of them.

Saudi Arabia: Exporting oil and terrorists is our business. And we’re good at it.

North Korea: Welding the two Koreas together with a nuclear fission future.

Iceland: Proud home of hot springs, volcanoes and an indecipherable language that nobody can learn.

China: Now with more cars on the road than political prisoners in jail.

Japan: What exactly was driving our economy again? We forgot.

Brazil: Our economy is on fire — just like the rainforest.

Portugal: A bloated civil service is not a growth industry. That’s P-o-r-t-u-g-a-l on the bailout cheque.

Alberta: Let’s do another study on that study to study the study.

Jim Sutherland is a local freelance writer. He can be reached at mystarcollectorcar.com