Dear Annie: I have been married to an absolutely amazing man for four years.
“Jeff” complements me in every way. Where I am weak, he is strong. We have a wonderful baby boy who is the light of our lives.
The problem is, the romance has completely gone out of our relationship. When we were dating, Jeff would constantly surprise me with gifts, short trips and romantic songs and letters. The problem began when I was pregnant. We went from having an active sex life to occasional at best. He said he was afraid of hurting the baby, but he is a nurse and knows better.
At the time, I let things go, believing they would get better after the baby was born. Our son is now three years old, and our love life has gone from bad to worse. We never go anywhere together unless I plan it, and we make love twice a month if I’m lucky. I have discussed this with Jeff endlessly, and he insists he is just tired. However, more than once, I have caught him masturbating to pornography.
I admit I’m not as thin as I was before the baby, but I’m still in relatively good shape. I have told Jeff that his rejection makes me feel horrible about myself, and it breaks my heart that we no longer have the relationship we once did. Even on our anniversary or my birthday, he rarely brings me flowers or gives me a card. I went out of my way to shower him with cards on his birthday, and it changed nothing.
I adore my husband, but his uncaring attitude is driving us apart. Can you help? — Hurt and Confused in Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: Some men have a problem seeing their wives as sexual beings once they become pregnant. Instead, you become a mother and are therefore untouchable. It’s also possible Jeff simply wanted a child, and now that he has one, he is no longer interested in having a wife. Whatever is going on sounds like an issue that will require professional help to resolve. Please get some.
Dear Annie: Two years ago, I dated “Anna,” a wonderful woman. We spent all our time together, and eventually she moved in with me. We shared a very special relationship. About eight months ago, Anna told me she was worried that we were moving apart. Even though I still loved her, she left me.
I had emotional problems for a while, but eventually recovered and met “Zoey,” with whom I now share a relationship just as strong as the one I had with Anna. Two weeks ago, however, Zoey and I had a big argument. I could easily apologize and be back in her good graces, but Anna recently contacted me, saying she was sorry for her actions and wanted to get together again. I’d be lying if I said I still didn’t have feelings for Anna, but my friends say I shouldn’t give her the time of day. What should I do? — Torn Between Two Women
Dear Torn: If you go back to Anna, things will be great for a while and then, we suspect, not so great. And it will be over. By then, Zoey will have moved on. You are not ready to commit to anyone right now. We strongly urge you to take your time and think about what you truly want from a relationship, and how much emotional pain you are willing to inflict to satisfy your whims.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Out of Concern,” whose friend has body odor. I had that problem. I could not detect it, but others could. My doctor was no help. Finally, I tried a homeopathic cure. I dabbed apple cider vinegar under my arms and everywhere else I perspired. Lo and behold, no more body odor. And the mosquitoes quit biting me, too. — Andalusia, Ala.
Dear Andalusia: Several readers suggested apple cider vinegar. If it works, we think that’s wonderful. Thanks.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.