Daughter, 47, still lives at home with parents

How can we help a 47-year-old female lawyer who is still living with her parents and cannot go anywhere without her mother?

Dear Annie: How can we help a 47-year-old female lawyer who is still living with her parents and cannot go anywhere without her mother?

“Rhoda” supports her parents. She is a very fine lady and a good lawyer. She was considered for a judgeship appointment, but her fellow lawyers were afraid her parents would run the court for her. Rhoda is a wonderful person, but I am troubled that she is letting her parents ruin her life. They are with her 24 hours a day.

How can I and some other female lawyers help her understand that her future is in jeopardy? — Worried Lawyer Friend

Dear Lawyer: Wise and caring parents encourage their children to be independent, although not all children want to flee the nest. The dynamic between Rhoda and her parents has been in place for 47 years. If she wants to break free, she will likely need therapy to find the strength and the means. Being a lawyer instead of a judge is not a tragic future, and what you might consider a good career move might be too much for Rhoda. Be supportive by accepting her as she is.

Dear Annie: For almost a year, we have been planning a winter vacation with a few good friends. We only wanted to be with three other couples.

We suggested the vacation to “Carrie and Brad,” who thought it was a great idea.

Last weekend, we began narrowing down the list of couples we would like to invite. We chose the third couple and told Carrie and Brad to pick the last one.

They e-mailed that they were “less than thrilled” with our choice, but promised to be “team players.”

Today I got a text from Brad saying they are no longer comfortable with the couple we chose and would prefer not to go with them.

They said they hoped we understood, and that there would be no hard feelings.

I am really hurt, as the other couple includes one of my best girlfriends.

How am I supposed to “uninvite” her? I told Brad I would not do that, and that we would simply not be vacationing together this year.

I do have hard feelings. I want to call Brad and tell him how I really feel, but my husband says no. I know I’ll have a difficult time when I next see him. My husband and I plan to go on vacation with my girlfriend and her husband, and I am sure we will have a lovely time. How do I handle Brad and Carrie? — Frustrated and Needing Advice

Dear Frustrated: You have no cause to be upset with Brad and Carrie.

They told you they did not want to vacation with this other couple, giving you the option of choosing one or the other.

They were kind enough to tell you before you lost any money on the deal. Brad and Carrie are not holding a grudge that you invited a couple they disliked, and neither should you.

Your friends do not have to like each other. In fact, many people have separate circles of friends. We think you should remember not to mix your best girlfriend with Brad and Carrie and forget the rest.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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