Desperately seeking divorce

How do I talk to my adult children about divorcing their mother? I’ve been a good father and tried hard to be a good husband, but I knew early on that the rushed decision to marry was a mistake.

Dear Annie: How do I talk to my adult children about divorcing their mother?

I’ve been a good father and tried hard to be a good husband, but I knew early on that the rushed decision to marry was a mistake.

I considered divorce 17 years ago and went to counselling, but my wife said I was the one with the problem, and things didn’t change.

I have had a number of indiscretions seeking companionship and intimacy.

When my wife said she would turn my children against me, I became depressed and had thoughts of suicide.

She has said she will make my life hell if I leave her.

But, Annie, we have no life as a couple, and I often wish God would take me.

My children are tremendously important, but I feel manipulated by them with their threats of keeping the grandchildren from seeing me if I divorce their mother.

I plan to stay in the marriage a little longer for the sake of my youngest child, who will graduate next year, but I don’t know how much more I can take.

My wife and I are both at fault for this broken marriage.

I am guilty of many things and have apologized. My children know their mother is difficult to live with. I want them to understand that the marriage is beyond repair and divorce could be a way to heal.

I am angry that my wife isn’t thinking of the children when she bad-mouths me to them. What can I do? — Fearful in the Dakotas

Dear Fearful: Most children, no matter the age, are upset when their parents divorce. And it is unfortunate that many spouses try to alienate the other parent from the children.

When you decide to file, get your children together for a discussion.

Explain that you love them all deeply and have no intention of enumerating their mother’s faults or your own and assessing blame.

Things just haven’t worked out, and you are both unhappy.

No matter how difficult the situation becomes, it is important that you don’t give up communicating with your children.

We also recommend the National Center for Fathering (fathers.com), which is loaded with information and support.

Dear Annie: A dear friend of mine has become quite the gum chewer and is terribly noisy with it — popping and cracking, etc.

When I quit smoking some years back, I took up gum chewing and understand that chomping away can bring pleasure, but I don’t do it in public. “John,” however, seems oblivious to his noise, no matter when or where. I’ve seen friends give him nasty looks, but he doesn’t notice.

I love John and can endure these noises, but some of our friends have begun to distance themselves and he can’t understand why.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings, so how can I tell him his gum chewing is the reason? — Would Walk Across Croc-Infested Waters for Him

Dear Would Walk: Say, “Honey, I never realized how loud our gum cracking has become. When I do it, will you please tell me so I can stop? It must be really irritating to others. And I’ll tell you when you do it, OK?”

Dear Annie: You told “Confused Bride” that bridesmaids purchase their own clothing.

Where and when did this tradition originate? It is the bride’s wedding, and if she can’t afford to provide dresses for her attendants, she should cut back somewhere else.

This is a huge expense for young people. — S.O.

Dear S.O.: Attendants have always supplied their own attire.

Considerate brides will allow some flexibility with the gowns, i.e., choosing the color while allowing the bridesmaids to select their own style and price.

Brides who can afford to spring for the dresses are welcome to do so and many have.

Otherwise, bridesmaids who cannot manage the expense should decline the honor.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Just Posted

Man from Olds killed in collision near Sundre

A 39-year-old man from Olds was killed in a collision near Sundre… Continue reading

Tips to keep crime at bay this Christmas

’Tis the season for joy and celebration, but the Christmas season can… Continue reading

Olympic ski run designer creates upgrades at Canyon Ski Resort

Jeff Ihaksi says free-style and alpine ski venues are Canada Winter Games-worthy

Updated: Collision expert backs version of crash of driver accused of manslaughter

Daniel Newsham accused of manslaughter in fatal 2016 collision

WATCH: More than 100 protest UN migration pact, carbon tax in Red Deer

Chants of “Trudeau must go” echoed through the streets of downtown Red… Continue reading

Tkachuk’s goal in 3rd gives Flames 2-1 win over Wild

ST. PAUL, Minn. — Matthew Tkachuk scored the go-ahead goal midway through… Continue reading

Women use scent to lure wolf-dog that ran away from Calgary airport

EDMONTON — A woman from Alberta is thanking an unconventional strategy for… Continue reading

Suspect in Alberta, Saskatchewan bank robberies to get mental assessment

MEDICINE HAT, Alta. — A former Winnipeg broadcaster and journalism instructor accused… Continue reading

Trudeau to make it harder for future PM to reverse Senate reforms

OTTAWA — Justin Trudeau says his government hopes to make legal changes… Continue reading

No winning ticket for Friday night’s $60 million Lotto Max jackpot

TORONTO — There was no winning ticket for the $60 million jackpot… Continue reading

All evacuation orders lifted in deadly California wildfire

PARADISE, Calif. — All evacuation orders have been lifted in Paradise more… Continue reading

All aflutter about our feathered friends

Christmas Bird Count will be held Dec. 23

Baylor ties pervade rape case that sparked uproar

DALLAS — The Texas judge who approved a plea deal allowing a… Continue reading

Most Read