Dear Annie: Five years ago, I became friends with “Jim.” As our friendship deepened, it turned into something more.
I’ve never had a relationship with such mutual respect and understanding. We even started a business together.
The problem is, Jim is married. From the beginning, he made no promises, and I had no expectations that he would change his life for me. I’ve dated a few other people during this time, which has made Jim extremely jealous. And, frankly, my love for Jim has made it impossible for me to fully open myself up to anyone else.
After all this time, I want to stop worrying about getting caught. I know I should walk away, but with our mutual business interests, that would be both difficult and suspicious. And even if we did try to end things, our constant contact would make it nearly impossible to keep our personal distance
Jim’s youngest child graduates in June, and I suspect he may be more willing to get out of his marriage then. Unfortunately, it’s not soon enough. Every day that goes by makes me more afraid of someone finding out, which would cause irreparable damage to multiple areas of my life and his. What do you suggest? — Sweet Sue
Dear Sue: You won’t get caught if there is nothing to catch. There are ways to extricate yourself from a jointly owned business without raising suspicions if you do it for logical reasons, supported by sound legal advice. Find a way. If Jim wants out of his marriage, that is up to him, but you should not be encouraging him or wasting your life waiting. We know it won’t be easy, but it sounds as if you’ve reached your limit. Good.
Dear Annie: I am a well-educated young female with a good job, great family and a loving boyfriend. I have everything I need to be happy except close friends.
Where does one go to meet new people? At the office, I’m surrounded by significantly older people with grown families. And I don’t think a bar is the appropriate place to “pick up” friends. My boyfriend and I crave the company of a nice couple our own age. What do you suggest? — Female Seeking Friendship
Dear Female: Most churches and synagogues have social groups, especially for young couples. Try them out. Check your park districts and community centres for book clubs, art classes, hiking clubs. Do some volunteer work or stuff envelopes for a political candidate. You have to get out of your work-and-home circle in order to find new people who share your interests. And those “significantly older people” at the office? Get to know them. Maybe their children are your age.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Nervous in the Nutmeg State,” whose neighbor likes to mow her lawn and she wants to report him to the police.
She seems a bit controlling, and she obviously has too much time on her hands.
Perhaps she could bake a batch of cookies and take them to her neighbor as thanks for mowing. When one extends a kindness or responds with kindness, ill-will can dissipate and, over time, conversation will develop. Once she has a neighbourly connection, she may find it easier to ask the guy to stop mowing. Or she may find she appreciates it.
This guy may be old, retired and lonely. Maybe mowing keeps him busy. Perhaps she could meet with other neighbors and let them know how kind he is, and then suggest they invite him to mow their lawns, too. — Focusing on the Good
Dear Focusing: You are probably right. Still, “Nervous” has already asked the guy to stop, and since she is home alone all day, his unexpected presence is making her uncomfortable. There may be no reason to worry, but these days, you never know.