Etiquette for second marriage is the same as for the first

My fiance and I are getting married in June. We are in our 40s, and it’s not the first wedding for either of us.

Dear Annie: My fiance and I are getting married in June. We are in our 40s, and it’s not the first wedding for either of us. I am laid off from my job, and my fiance’s hours were drastically cut. We are trying hard to save for a modest wedding, and as long as we stay on track, we should make it. But here is my dilemma.I’m not sure what to do when it comes to wedding gifts.

We certainly don’t need any blenders or china, but we don’t want to be greedy by asking for monetary gifts that we could surely use.

I have never been to a wedding where the couple is older and it’s a second wedding.

Should we state on the invitation that gifts are optional or just leave it alone and see what happens? What is the proper etiquette for gifts at a second wedding? — Confused Bride in Indiana

Dear Indiana: The etiquette is the same for all weddings — it is improper to mention gifts on the invitation.

The best you can do is tell a few close friends and relatives of your preferences and let them spread the word to anyone who asks.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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