Full-moon fever

It’s a fact. A full moon is an astronomical phenomenon involving a lunar phase whereby we Earthlings can observe the complete spherical reflection of our only orbiting body once a month. It also means many people are going to act pretty weird.

It’s a fact. A full moon is an astronomical phenomenon involving a lunar phase whereby we Earthlings can observe the complete spherical reflection of our only orbiting body once a month. It also means many people are going to act pretty weird.

Lunar. It’s where we get the word “lunatic” or “lunacy” and “loony” — which is also a coin, and the expression “Crazy as a Loon,” although that one might have something to do with a bird.

Point is, the full moon cycle has always been associated with many weird things — from insomnia to insanity, to an increase in crime, natural disasters and werewolf attacks. And of course, loud house parties.

That last lunar-induced weirdness might be the most prevalent of all. In fact, a full moon phase occurred just recently and without any scientific visual verification, I could immediately tell without a shadow of a doubt that there was a full moon on account of the relentless raucous cacophony down the alley.

Parties. Is it just our neighborhood or do the world’s loudest outdoor parties happen where you live, too?

“Oh we have those parties in our neighborhood, too, and they don’t wait for a full moon,” I can hear you say. “That’s why we have the RCMP detachment on our speed dial.”

I sympathize with your party-infested subdivisions and I say, I hear your pain. And also I’m sure I hear your parties, too, all the way from our place. Thing is, these little social gatherings, while universally rampant, are much louder, longer and weirder during a full moon.

Why is there always one mega-moron who lets out blood curdling yells at random intervals all night long? I don’t mind some happy harmless revelry, in fact I’ve been actively involved in a substantial number of backyard parties in my day, but why is it that there’s always at least one loudmouth who is incapable of voicing any sound at a volume below that of a Saskatchewan fan at a Roughriders’ game?

I know what you’re saying: “The level of noise emanating from these morons depends entirely on how many party beverages have been consumed.”

I agree, but don’t forget the Lunar Equation. The official Lunar Equation, which I am totally making up, states:

Full moon lunacy rays plus excess party beverages plus the desperate need for attention equals exceedingly loud and obnoxious behaviour scientifically lasting for as long as it takes to wake up every person in the neighbourhood.

Add yet one more factor to the mix and you’ve got an all-nighter to wake the dead, and make daytime zombies out of everyone else. A swimming pool.

Down the alley, in our “quiet” little neighbourhood, a yard has a lovely outdoor swimming pool. The place used to be owned by a nice family whom we all envied when we could hear the happy splashing and laughing of the kids in the pool during the five hot afternoons we have every summer. However, the house was recently purchased by what seems to be a band of young males with large trucks and a penchant for parties that begin at midnight. We all blame the real estate agent.

Unfortunately with the odd way acoustics work, it sounds like an entire battalion of revellers are hooting and swearing and trying to out-drink and then drown each other right in our very own backyard. Even though they are way down the alley, at 3:30 a.m. I’m positive they have all climbed a ladder at my house and are yelling directly into the bedroom window.

So all of us neighbours lay there wide awake, the beams of the full moon streaming strangeness into our respective windows, all of us who have to work the next morning being bombarded by the sounds of other people having way too much fun. Thing is, we all lay there, wondering who’s going to phone the police first, each of us convinced that the other neighbour has already made the call. Still wide awake as the sun comes up and the lunar light and the lunatics finally fade away. Just in time for about 45 minutes of restless “sleep” before the alarm clock rings.

It’s full moon madness. There are even popular songs about the full moon phenomenon. Like this sing-along from the baby boomer band Creedence Clearwater Revival:

I see the bad moon arising

I see trouble on the way,

Looks like we’re in for noisy morons,

Guess we’ll sleep at work today.

I figure I’m going to check the calendar and the next time a full moon falls on a weeknight, I’m going camping. Somewhere quiet, in the middle of nowhere, in a forest, away from the lunatic neighbourhood parties. Where all I have to worry about is a werewolf or two.

Harley Hay is a local filmmaker and freelance columnist.

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