Get counselling for marriage

My wife and I met when we were in college. We are now 43. Ten years into the marriage, I became addicted to cocaine. We separated five years ago, but remain very close.

Dear Annie: My wife and I met when we were in college. We are now 43.

Ten years into the marriage, I became addicted to cocaine. We separated five years ago, but remain very close.

I have been clean for a year and want to pursue our relationship as husband and wife.

We still love each other and enjoy one another’s company. We also find each other physically attractive, but she refuses to return to the marriage or have a sexual relationship.

It’s like being married without the physical contact. I have tried, but she always pushes me away.

She wants the financial support, but not the emotional involvement. I am tired of this situation. I can’t live without her, and I hate living apart. I want her back. What should I do?– Gaithersburg, Md.

Dear Gaithersburg: We don’t know why your wife has no interest in a reconciliation. The best way to get to the heart of the matter is to seek professional counselling, preferably with your wife. However, if she won’t go, it means she has no interest in changing the situation.

The counsellor will then help you decide what your next step should be. It is unfair for you to remain in limbo. If she isn’t willing to be a complete partner, with all the trimmings, she should set you free, emotionally and legally.

Dear Annie: My husband’s nephew is getting married soon, and we received our invitation three weeks ago. The problem is, they didn’t invite my kids, who are in their 30s.

I realize people can invite whomever they choose, but couldn’t they have at least invited their first cousins to the dance? They have always gotten along beautifully.

There are going to be 150 people at the wedding, and only six of them are related on my husband’s side.

It has made me not want to go. I can’t understand it. We’ve been family for 35 years. – Hurt and Angry

Dear Hurt: Unless you have planned a wedding, you may not appreciate how complicated the process can be.

They undoubtedly have a limited guest list, not only for financial reasons, but possibly due to the size of the room. That includes available space for dancing.

Perhaps they didn’t invite any cousins at all, from either side. People should not impose their preferences on others’ guest lists.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net.

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