Guy needs help with valuing women

Question: This is in response to the article from the college student looking to “get some” with a college “chick.”

Question: This is in response to the article from the college student looking to “get some” with a college “chick.”

You missed a great opportunity to point out to Broadless and your many readers that his focus on “getting some” may be connected to his demeaning attitude toward women — since he calls them “chicks,” “broads” and “girls,” but not “women.”

Until he starts looking at young women as people who have value beyond their body parts, he will have trouble ever establishing a fulfilling, mutually satisfying adult relationship.

The counseling you recommend should focus not just on helping him get “a better sense of self,” but go deeper to find out why he disrespects women to such a great degree.

Otherwise, eventually, I’m sure he will find a woman with such low self-esteem that she will put up with his attitude (and the distinct possibility that he may have the potential to become emotionally or physically abusive with his attitude).

I assume you have a young readership and you would be doing everyone a great service to point out that his attitude is not acceptable.

Answer: Well said. I agree.

That guy needs help. One question for you, though —is it really that insulting to be called a “girl”?

It’s hard for an 18-year-old guy to be castigated because he calls a female he wants to date a “girl.”

These women call themselves girls.

They call us boys, and we don’t seem to think it’s disrespectful. I understand that a lot of women had to fight for respect and continue to fight, but at what age should a man stop referring to a girl as a girl? Send me a note with your thoughts.

Question: My first semester was ROUGH.

I was homesick like crazy, had a crisis abut my major and what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, had a horrible roommate who didn’t respect me or my things, switched and got another roommate who is slightly less horrible but not great and still annoys the crap out of me.

Then I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which started to make everything else make sense.

However, I can get the school’s free counseling services for only a semester, so now I can’t go anymore. Anyway, I am terrified of going back for the second semester. I feel comfortable at home on winter break.

I’ve gotten the best sleep I’ve had in months, and I feel healthier and happier.

But I know when I get back to school it will all come back again — the homesickness, sleeplessness, anxiety, frustration.

I go back in a week, but I dont know if I can handle going through this again.

What is your advice for going back for the second semester without getting depressed again?

Answer: Sounds like a typical first semester in college (no joke). The good news: The toughest times are behind you. You made it!

The one thing that does concern me is that you don’t have much of a support system at school waiting for you. A support system could make things comfortable.

And if you really think about homesickness, it’s not so much missing home as much as it’s missing the comfortable feelings associated with home.

There are friends for you to meet and activities to do. But for this to happen, you need a support system. If you’re out of free counseling sessions, find out the next option.

Sometimes there’s a sliding fee schedule (meaning you only pay what you can afford).

You can look into private therapy (often, this can be covered under health insurance).

Having a professional to help you manage the anxiety and get you through the tough days could make the difference.

That said, if you still feel this uncomfortable and there is little support for you on campus, consider a school closer to home for a semester. Use that time to research a new school with the right support services to help you through the transition.

Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614.

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