Have sex for the sake of happiness

I can’t believe the advice you gave “Not Interested Now/Never Was,” who didn’t want sex anymore after 37 years of marriage.

Dear Annie: I can’t believe the advice you gave “Not Interested Now/Never Was,” who didn’t want sex anymore after 37 years of marriage.

To say she should submit because her husband is good to her is tantamount to saying a young girl should have sex because a guy provided her with a nice night out. — Avon, Ind.

Dear Avon: Marital sex is controversial enough without unfairly comparing consensual, albeit unenthusiastic sex within marriage to some kind of obligatory teen sex after a movie. Read on for more opinions:

From Boston: That husband is a saint. I would happily take care of his needs in exchange for all he does so willingly. She better get on board, or he will be snatched up by someone who will.

West Virginia: I am sure I am one of thousands of single women who would adore a great husband who cherished me. I would make love to him as often and as long as he wanted. Tell her to set him free. He deserves better.

Louisiana: I could live without sex, too, but I know it is part of marriage and important to most men. She sounds selfish to be so unconcerned about his feelings and needs. My husband is 65 and, thanks to Viagra, still wants it three times a week.

Vermont: I was appalled that you said, “Once a week is not excessive.” Do the math. After 37 years of marriage, this woman has had nearly 2,000 unwanted sexual encounters. Seems excessive to me. Sex should be entered into willingly. Anything else is marital rape or a watered-down form of prostitution.

Chicago: I find it sad that this woman stayed with her husband for 37 years just waiting for the day sex would end. I, too, am in a relationship with a woman who only “does it for me.” I stay because she is a wonderful mother and homemaker, and because she realizes our sex life is important to our longevity.

East Coast: My husband of 25 years read that letter and said, “Some women don’t get it.” She loves her husband? He only asks for one thing and she complains? Sex is part of what marriage is all about. If she just wanted a companion, she should have told him before they married.

New Hampshire: I, too, have a wonderful husband, but am not interested in sex. I’m in my early 60s and can’t get comfortable with the thought of him touching my aging, sagging body. I love him with all my heart, but can’t get past the image of how I look getting out of the shower.

Florida: With her attitude, sooner or later her husband will leave her or have an affair. I sat through 10 hours of karaoke every week in support of my wife. She has sex even though she likes it about as much as I like karaoke. We are in our 70s and know how important it is to make each other happy.

New York: She submitted to sex with her husband for 37 years out of duty? It sounds like fraud. After a diminishing frequency of intimacy with my own wife, I hope I don’t have 21 more years of the same. I’d rather be alone.

California: I’ve been married 44 years, and my husband still wants sex once a week.

I don’t enjoy it anymore, but I do enjoy making him happy. It’s hard to understand someone who can’t find enough joy in her marriage to make love once a week. I want to shake that woman and tell her to count her blessings.

Oregon: Maybe you can start a referral service to match up couples who want sex and those who don’t. The problem is the “don’t want sex” women seem to want all the other things a man brings to a marriage.

Thankfully, I am old, single and gay.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

With a ban on sit-in dining set to begin at noon Friday, Las Palmeras owner Andre Lemus is gearing up for more takeout and delivery business. He has also applied to set up and outdoor patio, where dining is allowed under new restrictions, and is selling his own branded seasonings, salsa, guacamole, tequila bags, margerita kits, and even aprons like the one he is wearing.
Photo by PAUL COWLEY/Advocate staff
Big interest in outdoor patios in Red Deer as sit-down dining banned again

City of Red Deer has tweaked its patio regulations to make it easier to get a permit

A sustainability audit for Westerner Park suggested 33 changes, including more city involvement. (Advocate file photo)
Westerner Park expands volunteer program

Westerner Park is recruiting volunteers to fill several positions. The new Volunteer… Continue reading

Black Press file photo
Appeal Court restores privileges for man who killed five at Calgary house party

EDMONTON — The Alberta Court of Appeal has restored some privileges for… Continue reading

A 19-day trial has been set for June 2022 for Chase Freed, who is accused of shooting to death a shopper outside the southside Red Deer Walmart and firing shots at two other people in the parking lot. (File photo by Advocate staff)
Man accused of killing a shopper outside Red Deer Walmart in December 2019 to go to trial in 2022

Chase Freed charged with second-degree murder and two counts of attempted murder

A health-care worker prepares a dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine at a clinic in Toronto on Thursday, January 7, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette
All adult Albertans to be offered first dose of vaccine by end of June: Premier

Alberta’s premier says the province will be “back to normal” when 72… Continue reading

Madelyn Boyko poses along with a number of the bath bombs she makes with her mom, Jessica Boyko. Madelyn says she enjoys making the bath bombs with her mom as it is a special time for just the two of them. (Photo Submitted)
5-year-old Sylvan Lake girl selling bath bombs in support of younger brother

Madelyn Boyko is selling bath bombs for CdLS research in honour of her younger brother

Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Bill Blair responds to a question during question period in the House of Commons on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on December 11, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Patrick Doyle
New regulator to stop sexual exploitation of children online: public safety minister

OTTAWA — Public Safety Minister Bill Blair says the government will introduce… Continue reading

Gordon Greenwood Elementary Grade 7 students were assigned to write about climate change. The Langley Advance Times is pleased to present a selection of their writings. (Sasha/Special to the Langley Advance Times)
Canada’s greenhouse gas emissions increased slightly in 2019: report

OTTAWA — A new report shows Canada’s greenhouse gas emissions increased slightly… Continue reading

Conservative leader Erin O'Toole holds a press conference on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on Tuesday, April 6, 2020. Top Tory leaders of past and present will speak with supporters today about what a conservative economic recovery from COVID-19 could look like. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
O’Toole to vote against Conservative MP’s private bill on ‘sex-selective abortion’

OTTAWA — Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole says he will vote against a… Continue reading

Eugene Kwon of Gratia Bakery and Cafe says the business will be relying on take out orders and a small patio. (Neil Corbett/The News)
Small business struggling amid COVID-19 pandemic looks for aid in Liberals’ budget

OTTAWA — A group representing thousands of the country’s small businesses says… Continue reading

Ron Howard is photographed at the "Inferno" film premiere on Oct. 25, 2016 in Los Angeles. (Buckner/Rex Shutterstock/Zuma Press/TNS)
Brothers Ron and Clint Howard have memoir coming in October

NEW YORK — Filmmaker-actor Ron Howard and actor Clint Howard, brothers, former… Continue reading

FILE - In this Saturday, March 27, 2021 file photo, Buffalo Sabres’ Taylor Hall plays against the Boston Bruins during the second period of an NHL hockey game, in Boston. The Buffalo Sabres could trade 2018 MVP Hall, who signed for just this season and is a pending free agent. (AP Photo/Michael Dwyer, File)
Boston Bruins acquire Taylor Hall to kick off NHL trade deadline day

Trade deadline day in the NHL has started with the Boston Bruins… Continue reading

The Huawei logo displayed at the main office of Chinese tech giant Huawei in Warsaw, Poland, on Friday, Jan. 11, 2019. Poland’s Internal Security Agency has charged a Chinese manager at Huawei in Poland and one of its own former officers with espionage against Poland on behalf of China. (AP Photo/Czarek Sokolowski)
Huawei, HSBC agree on document deal for extradition case

HONG KONG — Chinese telecommunications equipment firm Huawei said Monday that it… Continue reading

Most Read