Have you ever talked to a dog? Better yet – has a dog ever talked to you? Both of those things have happened to me, although albeit one of them was, well, fictional.
I talk to dogs all the time, which is perhaps a bit odd since we only have a cat. Oh, I talk to her too but I certainly miss having a dog around since both of our latest dogs went and got old and crossed the rainbow bridge several years ago. So now, whenever I’m out and about and happen to meet someone’s friendly dog I always have a little canine chat.
Dogs have their own way of communicating of course, although I’ve always wished dogs could use Canadian English when they communicate. Like those movies where dogs talk - although come to think of it, those movies are almost always quite terrible, and boy, wouldn’t the world be weird if mutts went around complaining about dog food and the neighbor’s cat and Justin Trudeau.
I thought about this so much a year or two ago that I wrote a novel about a talking dog named Harold who was not only talkative but who drives cars, goes to college and loves trips to the Dairy Queen for strawberry sundaes. But it might surprise you to know that I made it all up.
Sure, a lot of animals can mimic human words – that’s how “parrot” became a verb. And according to the interweb where all things are true, there are a handful of non-human creatures that can “speak human words” including the aforementioned parrots, species of ravens, orcas and whales, apes, elephants, and Calgary Flames fans.
But copying sounds is one thing, understanding words is quite another, as we have found out from those doofuses with red hats and red necks who chant stupid slogans at Donald Trump rallies.
Sure, every doting pet owner will claim in no uncertain terms that their little Gizmo pup or Kitty cat totally understands them when they say “You wanna treat?” or “Go for a
walk?” or “Quit scratching the @#$% couch!” But do the pets REALLY understand words? Apparently, according to a new study doting pet lovers are not baby-talking loons. It turns out the answer is yes, at least one species understands human words because it’s – get this – “inborn, with no special training or talent”. And that species (sorry cat lovers) would be DOGS.
If you read the recent article in the paper you may recall that scientists in Hungary hooked up electrodes to 18 dogs’ heads (which were still attached to their dog bodies) and measured the canine brain waves. If the researcher said the word “ball” to the dog and held out a hamburger the dog would snatch the burger and run away, pulling the EEG machine with him. Just kidding, they probably avoided hamburgers. What really happened is the scientist would say “Ball” and show the dog a Frisbee suddenly the dog’s brain would register “surprise!” As in, “Since when does a Frisbee look like a ball, you moron scientist?!”
Those scientists say this shows that dogs ‘conjure’ a mental image of an object based on just hearing the word for it, without repetition or training! Other experts say that’s a load of hooey, though not in those exact words.
Whatever the real case is, I know one thing I’ve learned from our Princess Cat of the Universe, “Chicklet”: If you hold up a toy mouse and say ‘Birdy’ to her, her eyes turn black with indignity, clearly projecting “How dare you insult my intelligent and waste my time” and she’ll turn around on her living room window cat tree, her butt in your face, and go right back to sleep.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.