Hoping to be a young mom

I am 19 years old and in a very committed relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together two years.

Dear Annie: I am 19 years old and in a very committed relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together two years.

When we had been dating only six months, I had an abortion because we just weren’t ready for kids.

But I’m going to be 20 soon and feel I’m ready for a baby.

I plan on being with my boyfriend for the rest of my life. I know I’m young, but all of my friends have already had a baby or are expecting one.

I hear it’s hard, but that being a mother is the greatest thing in the world.

I’m ready to take on the responsibilities of motherhood.

I would tell my boyfriend, but I’m afraid he’ll think I’m stupid.

He absolutely adores kids, and I know he’d be a great father, but I don’t think he’s ready for his own child. How can I tell him that I want a baby without upsetting him? — Baby Mama

Dear Baby: We know it’s hard to resist having a baby when all your friends have them, but that’s not a good reason.

Child-rearing is a tremendous amount of work, and if you’re a halfway decent parent, nearly every waking moment will be spent dealing with your child, who must be cared for 24 hours a day.

If you start having babies now, your life will change permanently and there is no going back. Also, it could be too much for your boyfriend, who obviously isn’t ready for a child, and he might leave.

Yes, children can be wonderful, but they are an enormous responsibility and expensive to raise. Before getting pregnant, why don’t you ask to babysit one of your friends’ infants for a full day and see how exhausting it can be. You might decide to give yourself a few more years of independence.

Dear Annie: My beautiful, financially secure 69-year-old mother has found the love of her life. We are pleased these two people have found each other.

His grown children, however, have badgered their father about a prenuptial agreement, have “uninvited” my mother to events, thrown fits about the upcoming wedding and been generally unsupportive.

My mother’s companion has been consistent in setting boundaries with his errant children, but it has left a bitter taste for these people we haven’t even met. Making enemies is not honouring their father, and it’s causing stress.

Can’t our parents have a little peace and joy in the last years they have on this earth? They might even find some new friends in our family. — Memphis Daughter

Dear Memphis: Not all children are as generous of spirit as you. As long as Dad has set boundaries, their approval, while appreciated, is not necessary. Perhaps when they get to know your mother better, they will come around. We hope so.

Dear Annie: I completely agree with your answer to “Shocked in Missouri,” who destroyed old letters from her father-in-law.

Even without knowing what was in the letters, I’m not sure I could ever forgive my wife for getting rid of them.

They would have been part of my life, not hers, and not her decision to make. Those letters could hold information that would fill a void in my life. I might also see things in a totally different light that would bring closure.

She should have done as you suggested and put them aside for a later time.

As a genealogist, such actions are deplorable.

Those histories of a family may not be replaceable, and they provide valuable information, positive or negative.

We all have closet stories, but that is part of life. Hiding it is not healthy.

I hope “Shocked” won’t be upset someday if her husband destroys her family letters. She would deserve it. — Shocked Even More

Dear Shocked: Most of our readers believe this showed outrageous gall on the part of the wife, but we know she did it out of love and concern — albeit misguided.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Carl’s Jr. in Red Deer area closed

Co-owner of Carl’s Jr. in Gasoline Alley was caught using his bare hands to handle sauce in 2017

Cattle Show set to return to Stettler Jan. 31st and Feb. 1st

“Stettler, historically, has been a very strong cattle community. It was a real hub for the cattle industry.”

Quebec MP Gerard Deltell says non to Tory leadership

OTTAWA — Quebec MP Gerard Deltell says he’s decided not to enter… Continue reading

Studies question assumptions on industrial damage to Wood Buffalo park

New research suggests Canada’s largest national park is not drying out from… Continue reading

WATCH: Canadian kid shovelling snow video goes viral

Rory might just be Canada’s most popular toddler right now, thanks to… Continue reading

Your community calendar

Jan. 22 Downtown House Senior Center (5414 43 St.) in Red Deer… Continue reading

Hikers rescued after frigid night on Eagle Mountain in Coquitlam, B.C.

COQUITLAM, B.C. — Five hikers stranded on Eagle Mountain in Coquitlam, B.C.,… Continue reading

SpaceX launches, destroys rocket in astronaut escape test

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — SpaceX completed the last big test of its… Continue reading

Canada’s Jeff Smith wins way back to PDC pro darts tour via qualifying school

WIGAN, England — Canadian Jeff Smith has won his way back to… Continue reading

Skate Canada to wait on final decision for world championship team

MISSISSAUGA, Ont. — Ice dancers Piper Gilles and Paul Poirier headline the… Continue reading

Canadian golfer Lee finishes in fifth place at Singapore Open, Kuchar wins

SINGAPORE — Canadian golfer Richard T. Lee shot 1-over 71 on Sunday… Continue reading

Armed Forces being mobilized to help Eastern Newfoundland dig out

ST. JOHN’S, N.L. — The federal government is mobilizing the Armed Forces… Continue reading

Couple together for nearly 65 years die on the same day

ARNOLD, Mo. — A couple who had been together for nearly 65… Continue reading

Most Read