Husband must decide if marriage still worth saving

After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I separated, with the plan that I would undergo therapy to discover why I had become disconnected from her over the past few years.

Dear Annie: After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I separated, with the plan that I would undergo therapy to discover why I had become disconnected from her over the past few years.

We agreed that after eight months or so, we would attend joint counseling sessions to see what had changed.

After six months, I discovered she had had sex with a man and then later with a woman.

She stated, “We’re separated, so I feel free to date and do not regret it.” I consider this adultery. What do you think? — Husband of a Sudden Bisexual

Dear Husband: A married person who has sex outside the marriage has committed adultery. However, a legal separation, as opposed to an informal parting, often gives spouses tacit permission to date others.

We assume this was not the case here.

But you have a bigger problem. If your wife is bisexual, your marriage may not be reconcilable.

If she isn’t already in counseling, you should make it a condition of your continued efforts to save the relationship. Provided, of course, you still want to.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Bad Roomies,” who offered to let a jobless couple move in with them and, after three months, the situation became untenable.

The couple even started going through “Roomies’” personal things. Your answer to kick them out could subject the homeowners to a lawsuit.

In Illinois, even if there is no formal rental agreement, the owners cannot toss the couple into the street. They need to go to court and get an order of eviction and have the sheriff’s office come and remove the couple.

This protects “Roomies” from a lawsuit and also from any potential violence that may occur during the eviction. Please let them know. — Illinois Lawyer

Dear Lawyer: Thank you for clarifying this. Although it depends on the state in which they live, in most cases, getting this annoying couple out of their home requires a court order.

It is unfortunate that in our litigious society, no good deed goes unpunished.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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