I’m married to a monster

I have been married for over 15 years and have two children. Our son has a severe disability and I stay home to care for him.

Dear Annie: I have been married for over 15 years and have two children. Our son has a severe disability and I stay home to care for him.

Annie, I think my husband is a sociopath. I have been enabling his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality by letting people think everything is wonderful, but behind closed doors, he is physically and emotionally abusive to my daughter and me.

Every problem in his life is someone else’s fault — usually mine. His main problem is that I don’t satisfy his sexual desires.

He is addicted to Internet porn and expects me to act out his sexual fantasies, which involve bondage and torture.

I had no idea he was like this when I married him, and I have no interest in participating in such sick and revolting fetishes. Knowing that he finds this type of thing sexually exciting repulses me.

The last few years, the abuse has gotten worse. I am worried about how this is affecting my daughter, who already caught him looking at sadistic porn. He told her it was my fault because I don’t make him happy.

I don’t have family support, and counselling is out of the question because I don’t have the money. My husband has no respect for me or our family, but he’s so charming, I doubt anyone would believe our situation.

From outward appearances, he seems like a dream husband. What should I do? — Married to an Invisible Monster

Dear Married: No one should live with an abuser, especially when children are at risk. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) and ask for help. You also can receive free or low-cost counselling through your clergyperson, university psychology departments, United Way, the YMCA, local hospitals, the American Association of Pastoral Counselors (aapc.org) and the American Counseling Association (counseling.org) at 1-800-347-6647. Don’t wait.

Dear Annie: Last week I was told by our office manager that the director “doesn’t like your hairstyle and you need to do something with it.” Annie, my hair is growing back from chemo. I was extremely upset by this and went home in tears.

Today I met with our director, who read from our employee manual: “If it is determined that an employee is inappropriately dressed or groomed, he or she will be instructed to make necessary changes.” She thought my hair looked unprofessional.

Annie, I could understand if my hair was green or in dreadlocks, but it’s not. Now I’m being told I may lose my job. What do you think? — Trying My Best

Dear Trying: We think your director may be in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act since your hairstyle is a result of chemotherapy treatment. Check with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (eeoc.gov) at 1-800-669-4000. The director’s reaction to your hair seems peculiar and punitive. If she has a boss, we strongly urge you to take this to a higher authority.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Washington, Ill.,” who is sensitive to fluorescent lighting. You can get diffusion filters to replace the light covers at most lighting and hardware stores.

Tell “Washington” to get the ones with the smallest grid because they work the best. She will still have plenty of light, but it won’t give her headaches like it used to give me. Hope this helps. — Brighter Now

Dear Brighter: We appreciate the suggestion and hope Washington will give it a try.

Dear Readers: We are carrying on the tradition that April 2 be set aside as Reconciliation Day, a time to make the first move toward mending broken relationships. It also could be the day on which we agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend or estranged family member, and do our best to start over.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Just Posted

Red Deer area businesses recognized at Business of the Year Awards night

“It’s an honour just to be nominated.” The popular words echoed throughout… Continue reading

Child sex offender should get 12 years: Crown prosecutor

Stuart Peter Hunt has pleaded guilty to 10 child sexual exploitation and pornography charges

Legalizing cannabis cost estimate for Red Deer just under $400k

Although the province of Alberta has announced $11.2 million for cannabis legalization,… Continue reading

WATCH: Every square tells a story: Edmonton expert is exploring Red Deer’s quilting history

Community members can bring in family heirloom quilts for documentation

Red Deer-area dads going through divorce are invited to Man Up

Support group formed to focus on positive activities, networking

WATCH: Two weeks away from Canadian Finals Rodeo in Red Deer

In just two weeks, Ponoka’s Shayna Weir will compete with the best… Continue reading

PHOTO: Say goodbye to City Hall Park flowers

A sure sign that winter is on its way is when City… Continue reading

PHOTO: Chew On This! campaign draws attention to national poverty

Lunch bags were being handed out in front of The Hub downtown… Continue reading

Wickenheiser, Pegula reflect NHL’s trend toward diversity

BUFFALO, N.Y. — With a laugh, Kim Pegula’s competitive nature kicked in… Continue reading

Harry and Meghan bring rain to drought-stricken Outback town

DUBBO, Australia — The Duke and Duchess of Sussex were jokingly thanked… Continue reading

TV Review: A Roseanne Barr-less ‘The Conners’ is a triumph

NEW YORK — Can there be a “Roseanne” without Roseanne? The answer… Continue reading

Canadian manufacturing sales fell 0.4 per cent in August: Statistics Canada

OTTAWA — Statistics Canada says manufacturing sales fell 0.4 per cent to… Continue reading

Brian Mulroney joins board of directors of New York-based pot company

NEW YORK — Former prime minister Brian Mulroney is joining the board… Continue reading

Canadians waking up to legalized cannabis: ‘My new dealer is the prime minister’

ST. JOHN’S, N.L. — Canadians across the country woke up to legalized… Continue reading

Most Read