Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Bob” for almost two years, and we moved in together a year ago.
For the most part, it’s been OK. Eight months into our relationship, Bob gave me an STD that I will have for the rest of my life.
He insists he never cheated, and although my doctor seemed skeptical, I decided it was possible he’d had the STD before he met me and just didn’t know.
However, Bob has done other things that disturb me. I found out he was looking at online adult websites.
He also checks out Internet porn and lies about it. I know he used to go to strip clubs, but he claims he doesn’t do that anymore.
Bob says he loves me and we will never split up. But when I was working, he’d call twice a day, and it felt like he was checking up on me.
If I go out with my friends, he jokingly asks how many guys I picked up. He seems very insecure about our relationship.
I do love him, but sometimes I feel as if I am dating him only to have a roof over my head. I’m currently unemployed, and moving out would be impossible.
Do you think I should dump him now before something drastic happens, like he proposes or I get knocked up? Or should I enjoy my time with him and see whether the situation changes a year or so down the road? — Bummed and Confused
Dear Confused: We aren’t sure why you say you love Bob when you would rather break up than risk his proposing. We think you are staying for the rent money and are reluctant to deal with it. It’s unlikely Bob is going to improve with age.
Start saving your pennies, and move out as soon as possible.
Dear Annie: I seem to be having a slight problem with my wife. She doesn’t remember anything I tell her, whether it’s about a withdrawal from our bank account or asking her to stop at the store on her way home. I’ll say something to her, remind her later via e-mail or text message, and within a few hours — poof! — it’s totally forgotten.
But she has no problem remembering things at work or regarding her friends and family.
She even performs at a local theater and memorizes lots of lines.
Is this worth making an issue over? It’s getting frustrating and seems to imply a total lack of respect for me. What should I do? — The Camel’s Straw
Dear Straw: People are easily distracted and overburdened with information these days, and things can slide out of their heads.
This could be why your wife isn’t filing away your comments in her memory bank. It requires more concentration than she is capable of. However, if she manages to remember everything else, she may simply be tuning you out — not an uncommon occurrence with married couples. Talk to her about it.
Dear Annie: I was struck by the letter from “Appreciate the Cleaning Ladies,” who said her clients hadn’t given her a raise in 10 years. While I agree with your response, I have a different take on it.
This person is a business owner and an independent contractor, yet sees herself as an employee of these households.
She needs to understand that she alone has the responsibility to set her rates, choose her clients, take vacations and give herself raises. Her clients expect her to do this for herself.
If you went to get a manicure, you wouldn’t tell the manicurist you were going to pay them more than the price they had already established.
Ten years is a long time to go without a pay increase, and she deserves a big one. — Boise, Idaho
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