“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.” — Sir John Lubbock, English biologist and politician
What motivates you? What drives you to do what you do?
I had a friend once who was a workaholic — a machine with a broken governor, an engine left to run flat out. As with any machine left to labour unchecked, the gears eventually clashed and the wheels — metaphorically speaking — came off.
Not only did his physical health break down, but so did his relationships — business and personal. Initially, he seemed bewildered by the whole experience.
One day, a few months after his breakdown, we met over coffee.
“Do you know what I’ve learned from this experience?” he asked.
I leaned nearer, intrigued by the question.
“I was operating with the wrong set of values.”
William R. Miller, writing for Spirituality & Health Magazine, penned a fascinating article a few years back entitled The Moment that Turns Your Values Upside Down. Miller writes of a transition or shift in perception and awareness that moves us away from ambition and ceaseless striving toward a life of greater meaning. He called this transition a “quantum shift.”
A quantum shift could be defined as a transition between two distinct states of thinking and being. The first state-of-mind could be defined as habitual, reactionary and unconscious while the second state might be described as self-aware, expansive, and inquiring. A quantum shift typically happens later in life and is often (though not always) preceded by a traumatic or life-changing event — one that prompts a radical reassessment of life, values and perception.
Miller writes of research conducted over a number of years with men and women from various walks of life. Participants were interviewed and asked to list the five most important values of life — the most important to the least important. Before this quantum shift, the first and most important value for men was wealth – the accumulation of money and possessions. The second was a sense of adventure — to go out there and conquer the world. The third was achievement — tied to the often damaging perception that as men, we are what we do. The fourth was the pursuit of pleasure and the fifth was to be respected by peers.
After a quantum shift occurred, the list shifted dramatically. Same questions — same men. The top value went from making money to spirituality, which wasn’t even on the list initially. The second was personal peace — less anxiety, less stress. The third was family. After the shift men began to ask the question, “What is it that’s important for me in my life?” The fourth value was purpose. In essence, why am I here? How can I make a positive difference in the lives of others? The fifth value was now honesty. Not just honesty as in not breaking laws but “How honest am I with my feelings?”
For women the change was even more astonishing. Prior to the shift, the highest value for women was family. Not surprising as women in our society and culture are often raised to be good mothers, good daughters — to support the family unit and care for children.
Second was a sense of independence. Third was career. Understandable as women were once made to feel they had no right to a career as their obligation was to the family.
Fourth was fitting in — the need to be liked by everyone. Fifth was attractiveness — not just “It’s nice to look nice,” but value as a human being based upon looks and approval by others.
The top value for women after the shift was personal growth. It had moved from caring for others, doing the right thing and fitting in, to “How am I growing as a human being?” and “How do I feel about myself?” Next was self-esteem: “Am I worth anything?” “How do I feel about myself?” “Do I have something of value to contribute?” Third was spirituality — a sense of connectedness to something greater. The fourth was happiness — women having once believed their happiness was unimportant. Last was forgiveness.
Miller noted that most everything in a participant’s inner world shifted from extrinsic to intrinsic (more spiritual/less materialistic): emotions, values, self-esteem and personal growth, significant relationships and interpretations of the past, present and future. These dramatic shifts did not happen overnight.
Though the change had often been initiated by a triggering event (as with my friend), the event was only the catalyst. It was not uncommon for participants to describe the experience of transition as still going on even a decade later.
According to Miller, there seemed to be a period of consolidation, of integration, after a quantum event. Though none said the quantum shift made life perfect, either immediately or eventually, they did say life took on new meaning, a kind of perfect imperfection.
There’s no judgment here. Based upon your background and beliefs, your list of five values may be quite different from the test group, or the shift in said values might be more or less dramatic.
That’s OK. What’s important is that you bring awareness to the values that underpin your motivations. Ponder them and allow for the possibility that there are other ways of thinking and being.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, American physician, professor, lecturer and author, wrote, “The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”
Notes Miller, shifts come even to those not seeking it, not even aware of a need or possibility for such deep renewal.
Perhaps, he states, life enjoys taking us by surprise, tapping us on the shoulder and reminding us on occasion just how little we know about all that is possible.
Murray Fuhrer is a local self-esteem expert and facilitator. His new book is entitled Extreme Esteem: The Four Factors. For more information on self-esteem, check the Extreme Esteem website at www.extremeesteem.ca