Please don’t create false hope for ugly toads

Question: I am not a regular reader of your column, but I came across it while browsing the paper.

Question: I am not a regular reader of your column, but I came across it while browsing the paper.

Regarding the woman who said she looks good in a thong but can’t understand why she’s still alone: You told her that there are thousands of men who want to love her, and love will happen.

Well, those comments are why I’m writing. It probably will happen for her. However, for a lot of the rest of us, it never will.

You seem like a well-intentioned soul, so I’ll put this as politely as possible — it’s bull. In a week, I’ll be 51. I have never married.

I was engaged about six years ago, but we broke it off. Except for a few brief trysts, I’ve been alone ever since. I used to attract beautiful women on a fairly regular basis and have had some torrid relationships.

But now, nothing. I guess I’m about as desirable as a toad. Obviously, I’m not good enough anymore.

I don’t have love because I’m not meant to have it. I’m not cynical. I am a realist. I take issue with you giving your readers false hope.

I quit hoping a long time ago. If the things you told that woman were true, there wouldn’t be so many lonely people. Believe me, I’m not alone. I know a lot of them.

Thousands of women who are standing in line to love me? There isn’t even one.

I think you would better serve your readers if you were honest with them, instead of promising them that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, which for most of us, doesn’t exist and never will.

We will die lonely, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Thank you for your time.

Answer: You’re welcome. I don’t want to irritate you, but I will always promise a pot of gold.

All those lonely people need to connect.

Dating really is a numbers game, but few people are equipped to handle the number of people who will not want them.

The way to fix it is to train physically and emotionally, and to surround ourselves with people who want us to win.

I believe there are thousands of women out there, because they are always writing to me looking for love, waiting for someone to love them.

But until you believe it, and give the world permission to not always love you while searching for it, you won’t find it.

Question:You were so wrong about your advice to those grandmas whose daughters restricted their gift-giving. There are plenty of grandmas out there who will buy gifts for stepchildren, which is fine.

But, they should be able to spend what they want on their own grandchildren. Those other kids have OTHER grandparents.

Do they send the other children gifts? And these mothers who are manipulative give me a pain in the butt. Everyone should take a chill pill and remember that grandma isn’t Fort Knox and therefore be grateful for what you get.

Answer: Everyone getting gifts should be grateful, but calling people names isn’t going to create peace and love during the holidays. There is a time and a place to pick a battle. I didn’t think this was the time or place. Besides, there are plenty of ways and plenty of months to spoil grandchildren.

Question: I am going away to college next fall, and I have been thinking about fraternities and sororities since I met with my cousin, who is pledging Tri-Delt.

I don’t feel like a sorority person, but will still probably rush in order to meet some people.

They told me about this thing where you can be a “little sister” to a fraternity, but they didn’t really elaborate. I was wondering if you would be able to tell me more about it.

Answer:What is a sorority person?

Someone who wants to be part of a rich tradition, has an active social life, achieves academic success and can become a leader on campus?

Or a superficial girl who defines her self-worth by Greek letters, fashion and hair color?

You pick the stereotype.

I prefer No. 1. As for the “little sister” program, sometimes it can be a way to meet boys, and other times it’s a way to get to know a guy who can help you navigate your first year in college.

The best advice — send a note via Facebook to a sister in the house and ask your questions.

Facebook is one of the best ways to get the best info from the people living these experiences.

Write Harlan at harlan(at) or visit online:

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