Please don’t create false hope for ugly toads

Question: I am not a regular reader of your column, but I came across it while browsing the paper.

Question: I am not a regular reader of your column, but I came across it while browsing the paper.

Regarding the woman who said she looks good in a thong but can’t understand why she’s still alone: You told her that there are thousands of men who want to love her, and love will happen.

Well, those comments are why I’m writing. It probably will happen for her. However, for a lot of the rest of us, it never will.

You seem like a well-intentioned soul, so I’ll put this as politely as possible — it’s bull. In a week, I’ll be 51. I have never married.

I was engaged about six years ago, but we broke it off. Except for a few brief trysts, I’ve been alone ever since. I used to attract beautiful women on a fairly regular basis and have had some torrid relationships.

But now, nothing. I guess I’m about as desirable as a toad. Obviously, I’m not good enough anymore.

I don’t have love because I’m not meant to have it. I’m not cynical. I am a realist. I take issue with you giving your readers false hope.

I quit hoping a long time ago. If the things you told that woman were true, there wouldn’t be so many lonely people. Believe me, I’m not alone. I know a lot of them.

Thousands of women who are standing in line to love me? There isn’t even one.

I think you would better serve your readers if you were honest with them, instead of promising them that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, which for most of us, doesn’t exist and never will.

We will die lonely, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Thank you for your time.

Answer: You’re welcome. I don’t want to irritate you, but I will always promise a pot of gold.

All those lonely people need to connect.

Dating really is a numbers game, but few people are equipped to handle the number of people who will not want them.

The way to fix it is to train physically and emotionally, and to surround ourselves with people who want us to win.

I believe there are thousands of women out there, because they are always writing to me looking for love, waiting for someone to love them.

But until you believe it, and give the world permission to not always love you while searching for it, you won’t find it.

Question:You were so wrong about your advice to those grandmas whose daughters restricted their gift-giving. There are plenty of grandmas out there who will buy gifts for stepchildren, which is fine.

But, they should be able to spend what they want on their own grandchildren. Those other kids have OTHER grandparents.

Do they send the other children gifts? And these mothers who are manipulative give me a pain in the butt. Everyone should take a chill pill and remember that grandma isn’t Fort Knox and therefore be grateful for what you get.

Answer: Everyone getting gifts should be grateful, but calling people names isn’t going to create peace and love during the holidays. There is a time and a place to pick a battle. I didn’t think this was the time or place. Besides, there are plenty of ways and plenty of months to spoil grandchildren.

Question: I am going away to college next fall, and I have been thinking about fraternities and sororities since I met with my cousin, who is pledging Tri-Delt.

I don’t feel like a sorority person, but will still probably rush in order to meet some people.

They told me about this thing where you can be a “little sister” to a fraternity, but they didn’t really elaborate. I was wondering if you would be able to tell me more about it.

Answer:What is a sorority person?

Someone who wants to be part of a rich tradition, has an active social life, achieves academic success and can become a leader on campus?

Or a superficial girl who defines her self-worth by Greek letters, fashion and hair color?

You pick the stereotype.

I prefer No. 1. As for the “little sister” program, sometimes it can be a way to meet boys, and other times it’s a way to get to know a guy who can help you navigate your first year in college.

The best advice — send a note via Facebook to a sister in the house and ask your questions.

Facebook is one of the best ways to get the best info from the people living these experiences.

Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Asymptomatic testing will now be available for "priority groups" who are most likely to spread the COVID-19 virus to vulnerable or at-risk populations. File photo by THE CANADIAN PRESS
Alberta identifies 1,183 new COVID-19 cases on Sunday

50.5% of all active cases are variants of concern

Whistle Stop Cafe owner Christopher Scott and his sister Melodie pose for a photo at the Mirror restaurant. (File photo by Advocate staff)
Alberta Health Services delivers ‘closure order’ to Mirror restaurant

Alberta Health Services says it has delivered a closure order to a… Continue reading

Flags bearers hold the Canadian flag high during the Flags of Remembrance ceremony in Sylvan Lake in this October file photo. (Photo by Sean McIntosh/Advocate staff)
New project to pay tribute to Canadians killed in Afghanistan

Flags of Remembrance scheduled for Sept. 11

A health-care worker prepares a dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine at a clinic in Toronto on Thursday, January 7, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Nathan Denette
Alberta vaccine rollout expanding to front-line health-care workers

More than 240,000 eligible health-care workers can begin booking vaccine appointments starting… Continue reading

File photo
Security and police block the entrance to GraceLife Church as a fence goes up around it near Edmonton on Wednesday April 7, 2021. The Alberta government has closed down and fenced off a church that has been charged with refusing to follow COVID-19 health rules. Alberta Health Services, in a statement, says GraceLife church will remain closed until it shows it will comply with public-health measures meant to contain the spread of the novel coronavirus. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jason Franson
Hundreds gather to support Alberta church shut down for ignoring COVID-19 orders

SPRUCE GROVE, Alta. — Hundreds of people are gathered outside an Alberta… Continue reading

Members of the Canadian Armed Forces march during the Calgary Stampede parade in Calgary, Friday, July 8, 2016. The Canadian Armed Forces is developing contingency plans to keep COVID-19 from affecting its ability to defend the country and continue its missions overseas amid concerns potential adversaries could try to take advantage of the crisis. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh
Canadian special forces supported major Iraqi military assault on ISIL last month

OTTAWA — Some Canadian soldiers supported a major military offensive last month… Continue reading

A woman pays her repects at a roadblock in Portapique, N.S. on Wednesday, April 22, 2020. The joint public inquiry in response to the April mass shooting in Nova Scotia has announced a mandate that includes a probe of the RCMP response as well as the role of gender-based violence in the tragedy. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Andrew Vaughan
Creating permanent memorial to Nova Scotia mass shooting victims a delicate task

PORTAPIQUE, N.S. — Creating a memorial for those killed in Nova Scotia’s… Continue reading

Conservative leader Erin O'Toole holds a press conference on Parliament Hill in Ottawa on Tuesday, April 6, 2020. Top Tory leaders of past and present will speak with supporters today about what a conservative economic recovery from COVID-19 could look like. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
Erin O’Toole says ‘I didn’t hide who I was’ running for Conservative leader

OTTAWA — Erin O’Toole assured Conservative supporters that he never hid who… Continue reading

Calgary Flames' Johnny Gaudreau, second from left, celebrates his goal with teammates, from left to right, Matthew Tkachuk, Noah Hanifin and Rasmus Andersson, of Sweden, during second period NHL hockey action against the Edmonton Oilers, in Calgary, Alta., Saturday, April 10, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Larry MacDougal
Jacob Markstrom earns shutout as Flames blank Oilers 5-0 in Battle of Alberta

CALGARY — It took Sean Monahan breaking out of his goal-scoring slump… Continue reading

B.C. Premier John Horgan responds to questions during a postelection news conference in Vancouver, on Sunday, October 25, 2020. British Columbia's opposition Liberals and Greens acknowledge the COVID-19 pandemic has presented huge challenges for Horgan's government, but they say Monday's throne speech must outline a coherent plan for the province's economic, health, social and environmental future. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
Horgan’s NDP to bring in throne speech in B.C., Opposition wants coherent plan

VICTORIA — British Columbia’s opposition parties acknowledge the COVID-19 pandemic has presented… Continue reading

A grizzly bear walks on a treadmill as Dr. Charles Robbins, right, offers treats as rewards at Washington State University's Bear Research, Education, and Conservation Center in this undated handout photo. Grizzly bears seem to favour gently sloping or flat trails like those commonly used by people, which can affect land management practices in wild areas, says an expert who has written a paper on their travel patterns. THE CANADIAN PRESS/HO, Anthony Carnahan *MANDATORY CREDIT*
Grizzly bears prefer walking on gentle slopes at a leisurely pace like humans: study

VANCOUVER — Grizzly bears seem to favour gently sloping or flat trails… Continue reading

FILE - In this July 27, 2020, file photo, nurse Kathe Olmstead prepares a shot that is part of a possible COVID-19 vaccine, developed by the National Institutes of Health and Moderna Inc., in Binghamton, N.Y. Moderna said Monday, Nov. 16, 2020, its COVID-19 shot provides strong protection against the coronavirus that's surging in the U.S. and around the world. (AP Photo/Hans Pennink, File)
The COVID-19 wasteland: searching for clues to the pandemic in the sewers

OTTAWA — When Ottawa Public Health officials are trying to decide whether… Continue reading

Most Read