Pregnancy not an ‘accident’

My good friend “Lara” is three months pregnant with her third child. She recently confided in me that she purposely didn’t use birth control. She told her husband, “Joe,” that the pregnancy was “an accident.”

Dear Annie: My good friend “Lara” is three months pregnant with her third child. She recently confided in me that she purposely didn’t use birth control. She told her husband, “Joe,” that the pregnancy was “an accident.”

The problem is, my husband played golf with Joe and told me how upset Joe is. He and Lara wanted another child, but both agreed that financially, it would be too difficult. He then told my husband that he couldn’t blame Lara since it wasn’t her fault the birth control failed.

Unfortunately, I told my husband what Lara did, and now he wants to inform Joe. I said we should stay out of their business, but he is insistent. He wants me to tell Lara that either she tells Joe or he will.

I think Lara was wrong to deceive Joe and told her so, but I don’t want to cause her any anxiety during her pregnancy. What should I do? — Desperate for Advice

Dear Desperate: This is so not your business. Ask your husband what he hopes to accomplish by telling Joe. That he will leave Lara? Be so upset that he cannot accept the child? Make her give up the baby for adoption? There are times when honesty is not the best policy, because it will only cause hurt and pain. This is one of those times. If you cannot convince your husband to stay out of this, you will have to inform Lara that you spilled the beans to him and then let her deal with the situation as she chooses.

Dear Annie: I am getting married in seven months. My maid of honour is “Kelly,” a lifelong friend. She lives across the country and is planning to stay at our house the weekend of the event.

For the past year, Kelly has had an on-and-off relationship with her current boyfriend. He has been in and out of jail and has fathered two children by another woman. He neither supports nor helps raise them. Even though he has cheated on her numerous times, Kelly thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.

She knows we don’t approve of the way he treats her, but she is confident that once we meet him, everything will be OK. She keeps insisting that she is bringing him along for the weekend. Frankly, I don’t want him near my house or at my wedding. How do I inform Kelly without being rude? — She’s Still My Best Friend

Dear Best Friend: Did you tell Kelly she could bring a date to the wedding? If not, make it clear that your guest list is set and you are so sorry, but you cannot accommodate any more people, including her boyfriend. Under no circumstances are you obligated to put him up at your home. While you don’t have to meet this man, Kelly may defend him more vociferously if she feels it’s the two of them against the world. You will be in a position to be more supportive of her if you meet the guy, and it sounds like she will need a shoulder to lean on.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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