Dear Annie: Six months after my daughter married, her husband was arrested twice.
Each time, he called from jail and begged me to pay bail and then legal fees, promising to pay me back when he got out.
My daughter stuck by him through seven years of prison. Now, 15 years later, he has started a business and fathered my only grandchild.
We had a great family relationship, taking vacations together, etc.
He began repaying the money he owed me, but suddenly stopped. Instead, he bought an expensive new car and two new iPhones and took his wife and son on a four-week vacation.
I sent him an email asking why he stopped making payments.
He phoned and told me he would never send another cent, that I was no longer welcome in his home and that he would never allow me to see my grandchild.
My daughter has gone along with everything he says. I haven’t seen my grandchild in six months.
I hired an attorney, who got a judge to order mediation, but my son-in-law walked out of the session. Now he has hired an attorney who is stalling. The next court date isn’t for another four months.
This is no small amount of money, Annie. It’s more than $40,000.
I am retired and would like to have my savings returned to me. I would like to see my grandchild, but there are no grandparents’ rights in this state.
My daughter, with whom I used to have a close relationship, won’t speak to me. My son-in-law tells everyone I am just a senile old lady.
Apparently, I was never part of his family. He only wanted to be related to my money. How do I see my grandchild? — Brokenhearted Grandmother
Dear Grandmother: It is terribly sad when parents use the children to blackmail the grandparents.
It hurts everyone and deprives those grandchildren of loving family members. Since your state does not offer the opportunity to petition for visitation, there isn’t much you can do except try to reconcile with your daughter — a scenario that seems unlikely with a lawsuit pending.
You can find emotional support through AARP (aarp.org), which has chat rooms for grandparents in your situation.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for many years. He is in his late 50s and suffers from erectile dysfunction.
His doctor gave him some medicine that would help, but he refuses to try it.
We have not been intimate for two years. I am too young to continue in a sexless marriage. What should I do? — Arizona
Dear Arizona: Your husband may be unwilling to risk the potential side effects of the medication, or he may fear he will still disappoint you. Is he willing to do other things to promote your sexual satisfaction?
Would he go for counselling to work on this?
Talk to him about ways both of you can improve intimacy and approach this as a team effort.
While sex is important, please remember that marriage is much more than what happens in the bedroom.
Dear Annie: “Always Wondered in Ohio” asked about the expression “watch your P’s and Q’s.”
You said one possibility was that it originated in English pubs where bartenders kept a tally of pints and quarts.
Actually, in English pubs, patrons would store their ales in jars that measured in pints and quarts.
When patrons frequented the pub in which their ale was stored, they would check to see whether any of it had been taken without their consent — hence the term “minding your P’s and Q’s,” which means keeping a close eye on those pints and quarts. — Lover of Trivia
Dear Trivia Lover: We are always fascinated with how expressions work their way down through the years. Thanks for an enlightening letter.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime
editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.