Question: My 34 weeks-pregnant wife wants a divorce. We have had a pretty stressful year or so, with planning our wedding (costing more than $20,000) and getting married in October.
About a month before the wedding, we found out she was pregnant. We’re now expecting our first child in early May. She says her feelings are not the same for me.
She says she is independent and does not love me anymore. Are these common emotions? She has said its nothing I did, just her feelings. She feels like she is just “settling.” Is this normal?
Answer: Normal? Without question, every pregnant woman has a moment when she looks at the father of her child and questions the future.
It’s also normal for some women to have reservations.
But coming to the conclusion that a divorce is the best answer is not the norm. I would interpret this as her saying, “I’m worried about our future together and need to take control of my life.”
I would turn to a spiritual leader and couples’ therapist to help you two find some stability during this unstable time. She might discover that this isn’t about being in love with you, but gaining control of her life given all the changes.
Hopefully she’ll be willing to get some help before making this kind of decision. This is not just about you and her — there’s now a child to consider, too.
Question: Two-bedroom apartment with one other person. Before I moved in a couple of months ago, my boyfriend and his friend from work evenly split the rent.
Since I moved in (both bedrooms are the same size) our roommate has decided that it’s only fair for him to pay one-third of the rent. While I do agree that we should pay a little more than him, I disagree that we should have to pay two-thirds of the rent, while he only pays one-third rent for one of the bedrooms!
We share utilities three ways, which only makes sense, but I think it’s preposterous for him to pay only one-third of rent when he is occupying half of the bedrooms.
The total amount for rent is $650.00.
Our roommate only pays $216 while my partner and I pay $434. This is a sticky situation, as our roommate and my boyfriend also are co-workers. I only want what’s fair and would like some support as to our decision.
Thanks!
Answer: Here’s the problem — you are ALWAYS around. This is NOT something your boyfriend’s roommate agreed to when he signed the lease.
Let’s face it, you’re the third roommate. You are hanging out in the kitchen, on the couch, in the living room and in the room next door.
I agree that splitting the rent in thirds is not quite fair, but instead of coming at this from a money point of view, come at this from an emotional point of view.
The lease-signers need to have a discussion (without you). Your boyfriend should try saying something to the effect of “I should have asked you earlier, but do you mind that my girlfriend is living here?” The next question is “Would it be OK if instead of splitting rent three ways, she threw in $100 extra a month and we split the utilities three ways.” If he doesn’t think that’s fair, then pay your third too and get a one-bedroom when the lease is up.
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