Wife cut out of gatherings

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We’ve been friends with Ted and Jane for almost 20. We used to get together for dinner and drinks at each other’s homes about once a month.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 15 years.

We’ve been friends with Ted and Jane for almost 20. We used to get together for dinner and drinks at each other’s homes about once a month.

Recently, however, Ted and Jane have been asking only my husband to come over for drinks at night and on weekends.

When I ask him why I am not included, he says, “It’s no big deal.”

I would never invite Ted to our home without including Jane.

I’m even more bothered because I recently learned that they also include a female friend in these social gatherings who is currently separated from her husband.

I can’t help but wonder, Annie, if Ted and Jane are trying to somehow set up their female friend with my husband. I certainly hope they would not jeopardize my marriage or our long-standing friendship.

However, they continually call my husband to come over, and occasionally their female friend asks them to phone so she can speak to my husband.

Do you think this scenario is “no big deal”? — Friend or Foe

Dear Friend: Oh, honey, wake up and smell the coffee.

Either Ted and Jane are encouraging an affair, or your husband has asked them to arrange it so he can meet his sweetie on the side.

This is a betrayal all around.

Tell your husband he isn’t fooling anyone, and then get some counseling.

And we strongly recommend you write Ted and Jane off your Christmas list permanently.

Dear Annie: A few months ago, my 57-year-old husband developed an odd pain in his right shoulder. After a few weeks of massage therapy, his doctor did an EKG.

He was immediately sent to a cardiologist who said he needed a triple bypass.

My husband did not smoke, wasn’t overweight, worked out, ate healthy, took omega-3 capsules daily and used flax seed on his cereal.

He was totally bewildered by the diagnosis until the doctors said this was all about his family history.

Both his parents are in their mid-80s, so my husband thought he was fine.

What he had not considered was the entire male lineage on his mother’s side. He thought their heart problems were the result of Southern fried cooking, smoking, heavy drinking and obesity.

Those things may have made the problem worse, but they didn’t cause it.

Since the bypass, my husband has more energy than before, and we know now that the series of odd symptoms he was having were all related to the blocked arteries.

This is my plea for your readers to ask questions of their family members.

Get the health history of your extended relatives, and learn about what you are genetically predisposed to.

In my family it is glaucoma, so I have my eyes checked regularly, as do my adult children. — Loyal Reader in Florida

Dear Loyal Reader: Thanks for pointing out that one’s genetic background contributes tremendously to one’s health.

Those fortunate enough to have living extended family should get as much health history as possible. Those who cannot do so

should ask their doctor what tests to have.

Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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