Wife not interested in sex

Dear Annie: My husband, Danny, and I have been married for 37 years. We raised two daughters, who are now married with children of their own.

Dear Annie: My husband, Danny, and I have been married for 37 years. We raised two daughters, who are now married with children of their own.

As far as my friends are concerned, Danny is a great husband, and they continually tell me how lucky I am because he treats me like a queen.

Danny is fit and trim and average-looking. He does all the cooking, cleans the bathrooms and does a number of other household chores. He also maintains our automobiles, and no matter their age, they look brand-new. Our yard is the envy of the neighbourhood, and it is all due to Danny. In fact, there is nothing Danny will not do for me if I ask.

So what is the problem? Danny expects sex once a week. Sex is something I have never enjoyed. Since Day One, I would submit to him because I believed it was my duty, but after 37 years, I consider sex an unnecessary task. When I turn him down, Danny gets depressed and mopes around the house for days. I love Danny with all my heart and cannot imagine my life without him. He reads your column daily, and if he saw my letter in print he might understand that even though I do not want to be intimate, it doesn’t mean I don’t love or care for him. — Not Interested Now, Never Was

Dear Not Interested: Please don’t do this. Danny has been a full partner in your marriage. You should be one, too, and sex is part of that. When you love someone, you accommodate them in ways that make them happy — whether you get anything out of it or not. Sex once a week is not excessive.

Have your doctor check your hormone levels, which we suspect have always been out of balance, and consider therapy. It’s possible you could enjoy intimacy if you worked on it.

Dear Annie: My 70-year-old father died after a long battle with cancer. My mother, an active 68-year-old woman who still maintains a part-time job, requested my sisters and I help her out while Dad was ailing and, of course, we did.

However, it’s been six months and Mom continues to expect us to come over and do her chores, which are getting out of hand.

We clean the floors, fold laundry and organize closets. There’s always a “to do” list when we visit, including holidays. We have families of our own, and I have a full-time job, as well. I know Mom is grieving, but I’m beginning to lose patience and don’t want to be so bitter. What can I do? — Ungrateful Daughter

Dear Daughter: Your mother has become dependent on you. Six months ago, this was both necessary and loving, but now it is creating an unhealthy neediness and you are becoming resentful.

Set boundaries for how much time you spend doing chores.

Perhaps you and your sister can help her hire someone once every other week for household maintenance. Also remember that Mom is still grieving. Becoming independent makes her loss more permanent and painful. Grief counselling will help.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Hurting Parent,” whose 12-year-old son walked past a full garbage can, so the parents made him write a letter about his bad behaviour.

They need to back off. If he’s a well-mannered kid with good grades, why do they punish him for typical 12-year-old behaviour? A gentle reminder to empty the trash will go much further than punishment.

I grew up in a house where nothing was good enough and I was punished for every tiny infraction.

To this day I am not close to my parents. If the worst thing my kid did was ignore a trash can, I would count myself blessed. — Practical Parent

Dear Parent: You certainly aren’t the only parent who feels this way. Thanks for weighing in.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

Just Posted

Rural transit service rolled out

2A South Regional Transit will link Innisfail and Penhold with Red Deer

Some Red Deer waste collection schedules change due to holiday season

Tuesday collections will be moved for two weeks

Red Deer ‘champion’ helps hospital by sharing ongoing petition

It’s been about three years since many physicians at Red Deer Regional… Continue reading

Red Deer Airport’s prospects are looking up for 2019

Ultra-low-cost passenger service is on the horizon

Funding down for Red Deer Christmas charities

Food hampers and toys for children going out to those in need

Alberta’s Sundial starts shipping to AGLC this week

Sundial’s Rocky View facility has received the green light from Health Canada… Continue reading

Penny Marshall dead at 75, best known as TV’s Laverne and director of ‘Big,’ ‘A League of Their Own’

Bronx-born Penny Marshall, who found ’70s sitcom success on “Laverne and Shirley”… Continue reading

Chabot scores overtime winner to lift Senators over Predators 4-3

OTTAWA — Thomas Chabot saw an opening and he took it. And… Continue reading

Canadian Marielle Thompson earns World Cup ski cross bronze in season opener

AROSA, Switzerland — Canada’s Marielle Thompson captured bronze at the opening World… Continue reading

Canada doesn’t make Oscars short list for best foreign language film

LOS ANGELES — Canada is no longer in the running for best… Continue reading

Warrant issued for arrest of ‘Schwimmer lookalike’ suspect

LONDON — A British judge has issued an arrest warrant for an… Continue reading

Moneywise: Canadian workers unhappy with pay, want pension plans

Many working Canadians are feeling underpaid and are so worried about their… Continue reading

Brazil police say faith healer has turned himself in

RIO DE JANEIRO — A celebrity faith healer accused of sexually abusing… Continue reading

B.C. hockey coach creates ‘gear library’ to remove cost barrier of sport

VANCOUVER — Nicola Froese says she has always loved playing sports, but… Continue reading

Most Read