“It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one’s acts.”
– Mahatma Gandhi, leader of the Indian Independence Movement
“If I want someone to nag me, I’ll call my mother.”
“I’m not trying to nag you,” I said. “I’m just concerned, that’s all.”
“I could also call my sister,” he stated. “She’s a pretty good nag, too.”
My nagging had begun a couple of weeks prior when my buddy and I were darting across the parking lot to catch a movie at the big complex outside of town. My chum was always running behind, and this was no exception. It was a movie I had wanted to see so when he wasn’t ready when I dropped by his condo – he was sound asleep on the couch – I was impatient and more than a little frustrated. Halfway across the parking lot, he had to stop to catch his breath. Leaning heavily against the fender of an old sedan and holding his chest, he motioned me onward.
“Tickets,” he wheezed, waving his hand. “Get the tickets, and I’ll join you inside.”
We didn’t go to the movie. Instead, we stopped by a local restaurant where I spoke at length about diet and exercise while my friend pondered ordering a second slice of apple pie. I knew he was in poor health and unless something changed, the outcome could prove dire.
It’s a sad fact: we can hold people accountable, but we can’t force them to accept accountability. We all follow our own path and ultimately must face the consequences of that choice. I think, for most of us, taking an honest look at our past poor choices is terrifying – akin to sitting down with an auditor from Revenue Canada. Few of us want to see our bad choices laid bare before us, whether the issue be health, relationships, jobs, finances or our self-esteem.
Here’s the key: want better results? Make better choices! I know that sounds blunt, but each week, I counsel clients who desperately want a life better than the one they’re living now. It’s not uncommon to hear people declare a desire for more money, less stress, better health, less regret, stronger relationships and fewer unreasonable demands on time and resources. Often the greatest challenge is helping these individuals connect the dots between past choices and current outcomes and accept self-responsibility rather than foisting the blame on others.
The decisions we make in this moment – whether time deems them good or bad – will affect each subsequent decision. Life is comprised of a series of choices – big, small and seemingly inconsequential. Each must be evaluated with an eye to future consequences in mind.
I think we fear accountability because we associate it with blame. If something goes sideways, many of us will deflect or deny – we don’t want to look bad, feel inadequate or be judged incompetent. This notion creates a downward self-perpetuating cycle where what we most hope to avoid shows up in spades. I call this cycle the Law of Reverse Effect.
Accountability is the cornerstone of healthy self-esteem. When we take ownership of our life, our successes and failures, we begin to grow, evolve and move in the direction of our dreams. Now is the time! Free others from the burden of holding you accountable. There are plenty of resources out there and great people willing to lend a hand. If you need help, ask.
On the topic of accountability, American best-selling author and motivator Steve Maraboli said, “The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same.” Get to work!
It’s too late for my friend, who refused – until the end – to accept accountability for his poor lifestyle choices. You still have time, and hopefully, you won’t need someone to nag you.