“Live less out of habit and more out of intent.”
— Author Unknown
“Mom always knew,” said Kyle. “She could always tell if I was lying.”
My son, Kyle and I were enjoying wings and a couple of beers at the local tap house. Kyle was reminiscing about his childhood and how his mother always knew when something was up. He recalled a couple of incidents from his childhood, and we both burst out laughing.
“And there would always be that same question: ‘Did you do it on purpose?’”
Kyle was a great kid. He rarely got into trouble and on those rare occasions, there was seldom any deliberate intent – he was not the kind to cause damage, harm or havoc. There was the time when he punched the school bully in the nose after said bully tripped his sister but, generally, any issues were the result of an accident, a misunderstanding or poor judgment.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to look at many things from a unique perspective and doing something with deliberate intent is one of them. Often associated with something negative, deliberate intent is actually a very powerful and positive force. Having intent means living purposefully, actively pursuing some goal. Living on purpose means tackling every situation deliberately, whether that be such crucial matters as work, relationships or driving your vehicle, or such menial tasks as shovelling your walk, taking out the trash or vacuuming the carpets. It means living mindfully, not habitually or unconsciously.
Starting the process of living deliberately requires awareness, reflection and self-responsibility. It takes a willingness to shine a light on times when we’ve been living unconsciously. To be deliberate, we must take responsibility for every aspect of our life. No blaming others and no deflecting – we must own the past and present before charting a course into the future.
As with any worthwhile endeavour, living deliberately requires persistence. Most of us are great out of the starting gate but not so much when it comes to the hard slogging. We must be willing to forestall gratification to a later date. That’s why many people struggle with goal setting – they’re seeking instant gratification. Any worthwhile endeavour takes time and persistence. We must resist the inner critic when it whispers, “Why bother?”
Giving up is never good enough when it comes to living a life on purpose – a life propelled by deliberate intent. You must push yourself a little harder and go just a little bit further, especially when (some) challenges you face seem insurmountable. Give it your best, acknowledging that your best will change from day to day and even moment to moment. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Excellence is a worthy, achievable goal; perfection is an illusion.
A long time ago, an honest friend told me I would never succeed unless I set aside my timidity – my unreasonable fear of being judged. He told me to be great I must be willing to stand up for myself and others and stop trying to please everyone. He also said to get my head out of the clouds and start living deliberately – with passion and purpose. In other words, he was telling me to work on my self-esteem because I was worthy, deserving and capable.
Perhaps Washington Irving, the American historian and novelist, got it right when he declared that, “Great minds have purposes (while) other minds have only wishes.”
At the end of your life, when someone asks, “Did you do it on purpose?” you’ll be able to declare proudly, loudly and honestly, “Yes, every moment, every minute, every aspect!”
Murray Fuhrer is a self-esteem expert.