Hay’s Daze: The offficial face fuzz quiz

What’s with all the face fuzz these days? The Balbo, the Bandholz, the Garabaldi. Not familiar? OK, how about the Van Dyke, Mutton Chops or the Goatee? Handlebars, Walrus or Pencil. Or the Salvador Dali, the Groucho Marx, the Abe Lincoln and the Charlie Chaplin. We’re talking facial hair, friends, and lots of it.

Here in the twenty-teens if you look around, as many people often do, you’ll probably notice a veritable plague of beards, moustaches, and stubble – most of it on men. Facial hair seems to be all the rage. You can hardly swing a cat without hitting a dude with a chin curtain or a trash stash of some kind. It’s as if everyone was suddenly boycotting the ridiculously high price of razors, what with their titanium carbonized space-age multi-layered mega blades with names like “Fusion” and “Mach 5” and “Turbo” and “Facestabber” and “Walletbuster”.

And it’s not just on account of the hockey playoffs whereupon players and fans have a tradition-superstition that you can’t shave until your team is out of the playoffs, many non-hockey guys are sporting pathetic cookie dusters for no apparent reason. Why would anyone go around with a peach fuzz mouse nest on their face? How can someone stroll around in a public place with a mobile tea strainer lip wig that looks like a dead rodent glued to his nostrils?

Statistics, that’s why.

According to the interweb, where all things are tried and true, 82% of women think men look more masculine with a beard, and two thirds of them would date a bearded guy over a clean shaven dude. “Hogwash,” you say – unless you are a guy with a beard.

How about this, then: research shows that 33% of American males and 55% of males worldwide have some kind of facial hair and that both women and men agree that “beards make men look older, more respected, of a higher status, and even powerful”. “Right on!” you say – especially if you are a dude with a batch of face fungus.

So in reluctant recognition of trendy beardies everywhere, how about a little Quiz? Quizzes are almost as popular as cheek ticklers and five o’clock shadows these days, right?

Facefuzz Quiz:

l How long is the world’s longest beard?

l How long does the average man spend shaving in a lifetime?

l What is pogonophobia?

l How much beer will be trapped in the average moustache?

l What is the name of the one member of ZZ Top who doesn’t have a beard?

For the Answers to this important FaceFuzz Quiz, turn your Advocate upside down.

So there you go, more than you never wanted to know about facial hair. But I have one more question: Why do I look like an aging orangutan with a bad case of mange? I figured the more that my face is covered, the better. And as difficult as it is to believe, I may be wrong.

Harley Hay is a Red Deer writer and filmmaker.

Just Posted

Windstorm: One year later

Signs remain of the devastation from windstorm that toppled hundreds of trees

Study seeking cause of Crohn’s disease hopes to develop predictive test

TORONTO — With three brothers affected by either Crohn’s disease or ulcerative… Continue reading

Reported grizzly bear sightings near Penhold

Two people called in reported sightings Saturday

Urgent need for blood donors at Red Deer clinic

Though summer and the coming long weekend may mean a slowdown for… Continue reading

Looking at the bright side of Red Deer’s windstorm

It’s a chance for forest renewal, says naturalist

VIDEO: What separation from parents does to children: ‘The effect is catastrophic’

This is what happens inside children when they are forcibly separated from… Continue reading

Camargo lifts Braves over Blue Jays with first career grand slam

Braves 11 Blue Jays 4 TORONTO — Jaime Garcia is searching for… Continue reading

A beetle brings a nightmare on ash street

Introduced pests and diseases put the fear of God into plant biologists… Continue reading

Photos: Blair House is where the president’s guests get VIP treatment

WASHINGTON - Diagonally across the street from the White House is a… Continue reading

Ten Humboldt Broncos bus crash survivors meet in Las Vegas for NHL awards

HUMBOLDT, Sask. — Ten of the 13 survivors from the Humboldt Broncos… Continue reading

Triathletes young and old prepare for weekend event in Red Deer

Woody’s Triathlon goes Saturday and Sunday

Driver knocks over metal barricade, rolls several times in crash near Olds

A man is in hospital after his SUV crashed into the QEII… Continue reading

In tit-for-tat, Trump threatens more tariffs against China

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has directed the U.S. Trade Representative to… Continue reading

Commons Speaker says no to Tory calls for emergency debate on Canada-U.S. trade

OTTAWA — The official Opposition is calling for an emergency debate in… Continue reading

Most Read

Five-day delivery plus unlimited digital access for $185 for 260 issues (must live in delivery area to qualify) Unlimited Digital Access 99 cents for the first four weeks and then only $15 per month Five-day delivery plus unlimited digital access for $15 a month