The Green Hornet
One and a half stars (out of 4)
Rated: PG
A wiser mind than mine once observed that the harder a comic tries to be funny, the more the joke is on him.
And that’s only half the problem with Seth Rogen and his stingless The Green Hornet, a too-clever-by-half attempt to both satirize and celebrate the superhero genre.
You can see where the schlubby Canuck comic and his co-writer Evan Goldberg are coming from. Tired of the usual heroic clichés and time-wasting exposition (who cares how they make their damned suits?), they set out to mock the whole process.
Yet at the same time, they can’t resist buying into the superhero mythology, to the point where Rogen dropped a bundle of poundage so he wouldn’t look completely ridiculous as the green-obsessed title vigilante.
We also get the standard myth-spinning razzmatazz, which still feels like work even when it’s being played for supposed laughs. Reid fusses about finding the right name (“The Green Bee” just doesn’t work), getting the right car (a sleek black Chrysler Imperial from the good ol’ gas-guzzling days) and establishing motivation (the playboy needs to prove that his stern dead papa was wrong about him).
Rogen totally digs being the Green Hornet, which is possibly the strangest of all super dudes for him to play.
Originally a 1930 radio serial and a 1960s TV show, the real Green Hornet was the straightest of the straight men, an enigma in fedora and trenchcoat who made Dragnet’s Jack Webb (“Just the facts, ma’am”) seem a party animal in comparison.
That fact that Rogen’s Green Hornet actually is a party animal — his real identity is spoiled L.A. newspaper heir Britt Reid, who doesn’t even read — only makes the matter all the more confusing.
Meanwhile, Reid’s trusty assistant Kato, played by Taiwanese pop star Jay Chou, obviously didn’t get the memo about the film being a parody.
He plays the conventional superhero sidekick, as skilled with kung-fu and stunt-car driving as he is with making a mean morning latte.
As predictable as a fortune cookie, he comes perilously close to a racist Asian stereotype.
Chou does all the heavy lifting, both literally and dramatically, while Rogen cracks wise and takes all the credit, and that combo never really clicks. It’s just one of the film’s many gags that attempt to run but stumble instead.
Too much of the movie is spent trying to make Rogen look good, even when he’s supposed to look silly, as witness his preening to Coolio’s 1990s rap anthem Gangsta’s Paradise.
You can imagine Rogen and his frequent accomplice Goldberg — the pair also share executive producer credits — excitedly beginning their writing sessions with, “Wouldn’t it be cool if …”
Putting Michel Gondry in charge of direction was another out-there idea that equally fails to pay dividends.
The free-floating Gondry is great when he’s directing strong characters in films of pure emotion and fantasy — his Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of the best films of the past decade — but he’s absolutely hopeless at material closer to ground.
The French fabulist made a mash of the meta-humor of Be Kind Rewind, and he’s equally lost with The Green Hornet, where even the action sequences lack flair — including the slo-mo previews of violence to come, a direct steal from Sherlock Holmes.
Gondry’s cluelessness is most apparent in his handling of co-stars Christoph Waltz and Cameron Diaz.
Waltz, the breakout fascist of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, is completely wasted in the subplot role of L.A. crimelord Chudnofsky, who suffers from esteem issues.
The best gag that Rogen and Goldberg could think up for Waltz, (apart from his ludicrous Austrian-Bronx accent) It’s his frustration with people constantly getting his name wrong. Insert weak chuckle here.
But Waltz seems positively indulged when you consider how Diaz’s ample comic talents are frittered away. As Lenore Case, an ace reporter forced to toil as Reid’s personal secretary, she’s reduced to simply acting outraged whenever the slobbering Reid hits upon her.
Most ludicrous of all is the supposed main plot of The Green Hornet, which tilts around a scheme to stop The Daily Sentinel from printing crime news, so the populace would remain happily ignorant of the crime spree raging through L.A., thus allowing criminals unfettered lawlessness. Anyone ever hear of radio, TV or that other groovy invention, the Internet? Was this supposed to be funny?
It’s very difficult to wring mirth from a semi-serious character like Britt Reid, although Gondry’s Eternal Sunshine star Jim Carrey likely could have pulled it off, with his gift for physical humor (which Rogen lacks).
Far better would have been for all concerned to make The Green Hornet a much darker and dramatic affair, much like Tim Burton did with Michael Keaton in their 1989 rebirth of Batman. It would actually be interesting to see a properly done treatment of the emerald avenger.
As Rogen and Gondry now realize all too well, it’s hard to be klutzy and cool at the same time, especially when you’re not sure why you’re doing it in the first place.
Peter Howell is a syndicated movie critic with The Toronto Star.