OK, so everybody who’s not driving a vehicle right now put up your hand if you’ve ever driven a car, truck, motorcycle or any other street-legal motorized vehicle whilst engaged in one or more of the following acts: talking on a cell phone, texting on a cell phone, adjusting your radio and/or stereo in an aggressive fashion, eating messy fast food, reading a newspaper, knitting, welding, playing Texas Holdem, playing a musical instrument, grooming your dog, putting on makeup, taking off makeup, playing Mario Carts on a Nintendo DS, or sleeping.
Sure these acts of “distraction” used to be more or less legal, but as of a few days ago anyone caught driving while distracted will be fined $172. Unless at the time you are driving a Ford Pinto or Hyundai Pony manufactured between 1971 – 1980, or any large black truck sitting more than half a meter off of the ground, in which case the fine automatically jumps to life in prison and/or capital punishment.
Yes the day has arrived. We have joined the rest of the sensible parts of the world, who long ago recognized that operating a large and extremely dangerous motor vehicle while carrying on an animated conversation by holding a phone with one hand and gesticulating wildly with the other is not a great idea. Some people are saying, “So what?” while many others are exclaiming, “It’s about time!”. And many of those who drive cars are saying: “Oh oh.”
I personally think Distracted Driving Legislation is a good thing, although I’ve already accidentally broken this law several times even though it’s only three days old. And although I still remain fine-free, I am far from guilt-free.
Old habits die hard. I’ve columned on this issue before, even though “columned” is a verb I just made up. A while back, I mentioned that I once drove to pick up my Better Half from work and chatted with a friend on my cell phone while on route and ended up in the Walmart parking lot with no memory of how I got there. Thing is, I didn’t intend to go to Walmart, my wife doesn’t work at Walmart, and I was 20 minutes late picking her up. I myself wouldn’t even have wanted to be on the road with me if that kind of thing can happen.
But I used to think that the Distracted Driving law should apply to everyone but me. For a guy who grew up with rotary dial telephones anchored to the wall, and local telephone numbers consisting of four digits, talking on a wireless cell phone was very nearly a full-blown miracle. And for a hyperactive multi-tasker like myself, talking to anyone from anywhere at any time was almost too good to be true. And me being a male person, I naturally believed that I was a superior driver capable of handling any vehicle at any speed while conversing on a phone, reading a novel, watching the dashboard TV, or juggling 3 bowling pins.
This, of course, is completely wrong. There’s definitely no room in a car to juggle 3 bowling pins.
One solution for cell phone fanatics like me is to get a “hands-free” phone in the car, which contrary to what many drivers’ believe doesn’t mean you can take your hands off the wheel and drive with your knees (been there, done that — though only in extreme emergencies such as when I spilled my scalding Tim Horton’s Extra Large double double all over myself).
So then instead of seeing that 16 year old driver roaring down a busy street at 20 K over the speed limit while arguing with someone on their cell, lighting up a cigarette and turning up the stereo to 120 decibels all at the same time, we might now see many of those same drivers doing the same thing with a hands-free phone, only now they seem to be talking to themselves in an animated fashion. They are still distracted of course, but at least there’s a possibility at least one hand will be somewhere on or near the steering wheel.
With this new law, I look forward to being on the road with more drivers who are actually concentrating on the act of piloting several metric tonnes of lethal moving metal in and around my family members and yours.
But I wonder if distracted driving includes dogs. Not dogs driving — they are notoriously bad drivers. I mean dogs riding as passengers. You often see cute lap dog mutts planted on a driver’s lap, tongues flapping in the breeze (the dog’s not necessarily the driver’s) as they zoom by.
For me and my B.H. and the rotten kids, this would mean that Scamp the Deranged Shih Tzu won’t be able to sit on a driver’s lap anymore when going for a ride. He really likes to help driving. But from now on, maybe he’ll have to settle for navigating from the passenger seat. And hey – when it’s just the driver and him in the car Scamp can be in charge of adjusting the radio, eating the messy fast food, and answering the phone.
He may be deranged but he’s pretty clever (for a shih tzu), and he’s a darn good helper in the car. As long as he doesn’t get distracted.
Harley Hay is a local freelance writer, award-winning author, filmmaker and musician. His column appears on Saturdays in the Advocate. His books can be found at Chapters, Coles and Sunworks in Red Deer.