I was never very slick or cool. I never made the cover of Rolling Stone, and, yes, I was the nerd at the prom. I used to fret about not fitting in. But then I figured something out.
It’s not about fitting in or finding the right group to join. It’s about creating an energy that makes other people want to join you. That may sound a little egocentric, but the principle is solid. When you meet someone nice, it’s only natural to be nice back. If you’re lucky, the attraction is mutual. You start hanging out together, forming your own club of sorts, and other people will want to join in if you make it a priority to be welcoming.
In effect, you’re creating a positive psychological environment. You exude the energy you want around you, by giving to others in the manner that you want to receive. That energy is reflected back, because most people like the way it feels. Others will get the idea, perhaps unconsciously, and respond in a positive manner.
When I am warm and open, people want to take me out. When I’m shut down, I don’t want to leave the house. That’s the truth, and every day I get to make the choice if I want to be open to the world or to hide from it. On the open days, I can make my life and make the lives of others a little better. And when the closed sign is up, nobody grows and nothing fits.
I can’t think of a better gig for a shy extravert than being a writer. I can put myself out there and never have to view the results, but that doesn’t really make me a more expanded person. If I were to stop taking in new ideas from people or helping others process their issues, I might stop processing my own. We all need a kick-start sometimes, and I usually get mine from the people I love and serve. Where do you get yours?
These days, with the internet and social media, it is much easier than it used to be to find places to fit in. Trust me, whatever it is that you are into, there are groups of like-thinking individuals just a mouse-click away. And connecting with people in this way is much less intimidating than going out in the world and trying to meet folks.
No matter what your solution is, it all starts in your head. If you feel that you don’t fit in anywhere, it may have become your truth. What I believe is that there are people you can relate to if you take the first step to warmly reach out. Don’t let the painful memories of past rejections keep you from trying again.
Barton Goldsmith
The Associated Press