Everyone has experienced that Bad Tequila Moment. The one that caused you to indulge in behavior so spectacularly embarrassing that the mere thought makes you shudder decades later.
Still, that was your own foolish fault. There is no reason to blame the innocent margarita, that perfect, tangy showcase for the lowly lime that uses salt — the best of all possible condiments! — as a garnish.
So on Feb. 22 — National Margarita Day — we answer some of your questions on the rules for drinking margaritas.
THE RULES OF THE MARGARITA
Q: Does the mix have to be homemade?
A: Yes. Find a bar that makes its own mix and never quit it.
Q: Does a margarita have to have salt on the rim?
A: Yes! For God’s sake, that’s the whole point, the delicious, tangy interplay of the salt and the lime and the T word. Up your high-blood-pressure meds and dive in.
Q: Can I drink a frozen margarita or am I really lame for asking?
A: I’m giving you the side-eye right now. Really. Frozen margaritas are for pale Northern tourists who panic at the sight of the Golden Glades Interchange or a flying cockroach. Real adults drink them on the rocks.
Q: Should I ever order a strawberry margarita?
A: Sure, if you don’t mind the entire bar laughing at you.
Q: Can the margarita be served in a regular glass or must it come in one of those big only-for-margarita glasses?
A: If it’s made with fresh lime juice, you can drink it out of a coffee mug or trash can and it would be acceptable.
Q: What’s up with that giant margarita that has a bottle of Corona dumped upside down in it? Should I ever order one of those?
A: No. Not even ironically.
Q: Should I make out with that inappropriate person sitting across the room after the second or third margarita?
A: Personally I’d hold out until the third, just to make things really sloppy.
Q: What is the best song about tequila and should I listen to it while drinking my margarita?
A: There is only one, and it is Jon Anderson’s country masterpiece “Straight Tequila Night.” Listen to it and cradle your margarita close. Then order another.