Little girl has a crabby night

The first bellow of ‘Mama’ wakes me up. Not quickly, but in a slowly pulling apart the eyelids, while dreading the idea of having to remove myself from the cozy sheets sort of way. It is the second scream that announces that this is no usual midnight milk run

The first bellow of ‘Mama’ wakes me up. Not quickly, but in a slowly pulling apart the eyelids, while dreading the idea of having to remove myself from the cozy sheets sort of way. It is the second scream that announces that this is no usual midnight milk run. The girl’s yelps are sharp and unusual, and I can feel the fear in her voice.

It is on the third shriek which comes close after the second that I pull my lacklustre body out of bed and plod towards my daughter’s bedroom.

Upon entering the little lady’s boudoir, I find her pressed tightly up against her beds headboard repeating the mantra, “I hate those cwabs, I hate those cwabs…” over and over again.

“What’s wrong, Sophie?” I ask, all of the sudden feeling overly concerned for her wellbeing although I still can’t make out what she is saying.

“Mama!” She looks and sounds relieved to see me (which makes me feel pretty good, despite the circumstances).

“I hate this cwab in my bed. … He needs to go home.” My poor baby sobs uncontrollably.

Maybe it is because it is 2:30 in the morning, or maybe it is because I can feel the tickle of a head cold coming on, but I still cannot for the life of me make out what she is saying.

“What Sweetie? Who needs to go home?” I ask as soothingly as I can.

“THE CWAB, HE KEEPS WAKING ME UP!”

“Crab?” I take a wild guess.

“Yeah, he is scaring me!” She continues crying and it is at this point that I realize she must have just had — or still is having — a dream.

“OK Sophie, Mama will get rid of Mr. Crab, OK.” I say in tired tones of amusement. I then begin to pick up the imaginary crab and throw it outside her door. This I thought would provide enough solace for the girl to fall back into dreamland. But in reality, it only causes her more angst!

“HE’S GOING TO CRAWL BACK IN MY ROOM!” The thought is obviously more terrifying, than the initial crab was and I am getting more and more exhausted with each crab chucking fiasco.

So I ask, “Well what would you like me to do with the crab Sophie?!”

The three-year-old girl looks me straight in the eyes, her face is shadowed from the dim light of her pink faux fur covered lamp, and she explains, “You put him outside. … So he freezes to death.”

Oh well then, why didn’t I think of that.

So there I begin, picking up make-believe unseen crabs (because now there is more than one) and moving all the way towards the patio door to throw them outside so they will freeze to death.

The most insane part of it all is, even when I am out of the girl’s sight, I still hold my hands six inches apart in a clutching position as though I am holding the crab in question.

I am in about five crabs deep, when Sophie advises me that there is one close on my heels! I jump at the thought of a blasted crab crawling that close to me.

For a split second I am thinking, ‘I have to get rid of these crabs, they’re everywhere! What the hell am I going to do?’

I begin frantically throwing my head to and fro trying to see these crabs that my daughter speaks of.

CRABS, CRABS … SO MANY CRABS!

It is then that I realize sleep deprivation is starting to kick in.

So I pick Sophie up out of bed, and tell her that we are going to sleep in bed with Daddy.

She responds with, “Good idea Mama, Daddy protect us from the cwabs.”

For the remainder of the night, I dream of crabs and it is unnerving and uncomfortable. … Especially since Sophie is shoving her feet in my face and I am believing it is a fat little crab making its way towards my brain.

When I wake up, I realize that Sophie and I are finally safe from the nightmares of crabs. But I hope to God that I never have to fight off the pesky things in the darkness hours again.

Because sometimes, even the most imaginary creepy crawlies can send a shiver up your spine.

Lindsay Brown is a Sylvan Lake mother of two and freelance columnist.

Just Posted

Women’s marches underway in Canadian cities, a year after Trump inauguration

Women are gathering in dozens of communities across the country today to… Continue reading

Red Deer councillor balks at city getting stuck with more funding responsibilities

Volunteer Central seeks municipal funding after being cut off by government

Olds chicken barn burns to the ground, no livestock harmed

More than 100,000 chickens were saved as fire crews prevent the blaze from spreading

Bear video meant to promote conservation: zoo owner

Discovery Wildlife Park says it will look at other ways to promote its conservation message

Red Deer’s Soundhouse closing its doors on Record Store Day

The owners of The Soundhouse want to shut down their store on… Continue reading

WATCH: Property taxes in Red Deer will go up 2.02 per cent in 2018

City council passes a “tough” budget that maintains most service levels

In photos: Get ready for Western Canadian Championships

Haywood NorAm Western Canadian Championships and Peavey Mart Alberta Cup 5/6 start… Continue reading

WATCH: Red Deer city council debates cost-savings versus quality of life

Majority of councillors decide certain services are worth preserving

Got milk? Highway reopened near Millet

A southbound truck hauling milk and cartons collided with a bridge

Stettler’s newest residents overcame fear, bloodshed to come here

Daniel Kwizera, Diane Mukasine and kids now permanent residents

Giddy up: Red Deer to host Canadian Finals Rodeo in 2018

The CFR is expected to bring $20-30 million annually to Red Deer and region

Ice dancers Virtue and Moir to carry flag at Pyeongchang Olympics

Not since Kurt Browning at the 1994 Lillehammer Games has a figure… Continue reading

Beer Canada calls on feds to axe increasing beer tax as consumption trends down

OTTAWA — A trade association for Canada’s beer industry wants the federal… Continue reading

Most Read


Five-day delivery plus unlimited digital access for $185 for 260 issues (must live in delivery area to qualify) Unlimited Digital Access 99 cents for the first four weeks and then only $15 per month Five-day delivery plus unlimited digital access for $15 a month