Printer problems never go away

First off, if you are looking for the other three in this tale you may be disappointed — today it’s more of a “me” piece. A few days ago, I found myself with a hankering to work on one of my dusty fiction yarns. I decided that printing off a first draft sci-fi piece I’d been toiling with for the last few years would be a great start. I could touch up on some revision and editing skills.

First off, if you are looking for the other three in this tale you may be disappointed — today it’s more of a “me” piece.

A few days ago, I found myself with a hankering to work on one of my dusty fiction yarns. I decided that printing off a first draft sci-fi piece I’d been toiling with for the last few years would be a great start. I could touch up on some revision and editing skills.

My problem, though, was getting my printer hooked up. You see, we haven’t had a working printer in over a year. Why need one in this day and age when you’ve got The Cloud! Well to answer my own rhetorical question, for times exactly like this, I suppose.

So I got to work. I had to find the disk that would install the printer onto our computer — I knew that much. Actually I’m lying already, my 60-year-old mother knew that much and earnestly tried to explain it to me while I had an outwards hissy fit in front of her and my six-year-old son.

“Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure you need to install it to the computer,” she said. Lars added in a, “Yeah I think Granny is right Mom.”

“But it has the Bluetooth — it should already be linked up,” I cried to them both.

Eventually I was convinced by the two of them that installing the printer software (or is it hardware?) with the disk would be our best bet.

It pleased me to discover that after doing so, the printer icon showed up on my computer under the devices section. The printing machine itself had power coursing through it, to which I was able to successfully print the alignment page after a few tries. Hawzaa for Lindsay!

Yet when I attempted to print something off of my word processor, nothing happened. Quite literally, nothing happened. Not so much as a click of a copier reel or a bing of an error message. Nothing.

By this time, I was sure that the entrails of my brains had begun spilling out of my ears due to the infuriating sound of oblivion.

At some point throughout the ordeal, Mother Dear took Lars and left. She might have left me a note saying she was taking him for the night — a PS at the bottom reminding me to not let current issues fog my good sense so much that I’d overlook picking Sophie up from school.

Or perhaps in my tech-No-logy condition I picked up on the information through sheer telepathic awareness.

The point is I was completely alone now. And I used that solitude as best I knew how. There I was flailing my arms asking the high heavens why horrible things always seemed to happen to me. Tears of frustration welled in my bloodshot eyes as I scanned the computer’s desktop for any clue as to why my efforts had been for naught.

At one point, in an act of pure vexation, I swept my arm across the desk knocking all of its contents (books, papers, pens, external hard drives — yes I have a very messy work space) onto the floor and surrounding area. At that point, I admitted myself to the floor and cried.

I cried for my failure as a printer installer. I cried for the pages that seemed would never be. And I cried for my inability to learn anything new at this stubborn age of mine.

As I lay crumpled and dejected on blue carpet, I pondered the meaning of existence.

No, no I didn’t. It would have been sure prophetic if I had, though. Instead, I glanced behind the desk to find a cord I hadn’t seen previously. It looked as though it was meant to be in the general area of computers and things.

Then it struck me — I had a cord connecting from the back of the printer into the wall, but did I have one that connected from the printer to the computer?

In my defence, in this age of Bluetooth and wireless everything, I honestly didn’t think there would be a need for such a cord. But lo and behold, as I plugged that baby in I was able to print thereafter until my heart was content.

As I headed off to snuggle in my bed with a first draft manuscript and a very, very, very large glass of wine, I had a newfound confidence that floated alongside me. Maybe there were a few pit stops, and sure several manic meltdowns, but it does go to show that you can most definitely teach an old dog new tricks.

That was until the next day when we managed to wipe the computer clean of all of its documents and programs … for the second time in one year.

Maybe it’s not an age thing, perhaps I’m just not cut out for this tech crap after all.

Lindsay Brown is a Sylvan Lake mother of two and freelance columnist.

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Samantha Sharpe, 25, was stabbed to death at Sunchild First Nation on Dec. 12, 2018. Chelsey Lagrelle was sentenced to 4.5 years in prison for manslaughter in a Red Deer courtroom on Tuesday. Photo contributed
Central Alberta woman sentenced to 4 1/2 years for stabbing friend to death in 2018

Chelsey Lagrelle earlier pleaded guilty to stabbing Samantha Sharpe during argument

Alberta's chief medical officer of health Dr. Deena Hinshaw says Albertans need to keep making safe choices to start bending the curve back down. (Photo by Chris Schwarz/Government of Alberta)
One new COVID-19 death in Red Deer, 257 additional cases province-wide

Red Deer sits at 459 active cases of the virus

Olds College logo
Olds College to host free, online agriculture celebration next month

Olds College will host a free live-streamed agriculture event next month. The… Continue reading

Alberta Health Services Logo
AHS upgrading online immunization booking tool

Alberta Health Services’ online booking tool for COVID-19 immunizations will be temporarily… Continue reading

Eric Rajah and Brian Leavitt were awarded with Meritorious Service Medals by the Governor General for co-founding the Lacombe-based charity A Better World. The agency’s goal is to reduce poverty and boost education in Africa and Afghanistan. (Contributed photo)
Co-founders of Lacombe-based charity receive one of Canada’s highest honours

Eric Rajah, Brian Leavitt of A Better World are honoured by the Governor General

Red Deer dogs Bunsen and Beaker helped save a missing pet recently. The two dogs have more than 80,000 followers on Twitter. (Contributed photo)
WATCH: Red Deer science dogs help save lost pet

Red Deer science-communicating dogs Bunsen and Beaker helped rescue a missing pet… Continue reading

FILE - In this Oct. 28, 2020, file photo, FBI Director Christopher Wray speaks during a virtual news conference at the Department of Justice in Washington. Wray is set to testify for the first time since the deadly Jan. 6 deadly riot at the U.S. Capitol. (Sarah Silbiger/Pool via AP)
FBI chief warns violent ‘domestic terrorism’ growing in US

FBI chief warns violent ‘domestic terrorism’ growing in US

In this image from KYMA law enforcement work at the scene of a deadly crash involving a semitruck and an SUV in Holtville, Calif., on Tuesday, March 2, 2021. (KYMA via AP)
California crash kills 13 of 25 people crammed into SUV

California crash kills 13 of 25 people crammed into SUV

FILE - In this Saturday, Feb. 20, 2021 file photo, Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny gestures as he stands behind a grass of the cage in the Babuskinsky District Court in Moscow, Russia. Russian opposition leader Alexey Navalny was transported to a prison 100km away from Moscow. Navalny was taken to a prison in Pokrov city after Moscow city court rejected appeal against his prison sentence on Saturday, Feb. 27, 2021. (AP Photo/Alexander Zemlianichenko, File)
US sanctions Russian officials over nerve-agent attack

US sanctions Russian officials over nerve-agent attack

Neera Tanden, President Joe Biden's nominee for Director of the Office of Management and Budget (OMB), appears beofre a Senate Committee on the Budget hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Feb. 10, 2021.(AP Photo/Andrew Harnik, Pool)
Budget nominee Tanden withdraws nomination amid opposition

Budget nominee Tanden withdraws nomination amid opposition

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau holds a press conference in Ottawa on February 26, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Sean Kilpatrick
Unanimous committee report calls on Trudeau not to trigger election during pandemic

Unanimous committee report calls on Trudeau not to trigger election during pandemic

Jahmil French arrives on the red carpet at the Canadian Screen Awards in Toronto on March 11, 2018. Canadian actor Jahmil French of "Degrassi: The Next Generation" fame has died. His agent, Gabrielle Kachman, confirmed the news to The Canadian Press through a statement. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Chris Young
Canadian actor Jahmil French of ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’ has died, says agent

Canadian actor Jahmil French of ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’ has died, says agent

FILE - In this Feb. 6, 2005 file photo, Bunny Wailer performs at the One Love concert to celebrate Bob Marley's 60th birthday, in Kingston, Jamaica. Wailer, a reggae luminary who was the last surviving member of the legendary group The Wailers, died on Tuesday, March 2, 2021, in his native Jamaica, according to his manager. He was 73. (AP Photo/Collin Reid, File)
Bunny Wailer, reggae luminary and last Wailers member, dies

Bunny Wailer, reggae luminary and last Wailers member, dies

Eddie Murphy, left, and Arsenio Hall appear in a scene from "Coming 2 America." (Quantrell D. Colbert/Paramount Pictures via AP)
33 years later, Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall return to Zamunda

33 years later, Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall return to Zamunda

Most Read