“Actions have consequences; first rule of life.” — Holly Lisle, American best-selling author
“Do you know what that is?”
“It’s a . . . . ” I had never seen a vehicle so utterly destroyed. “It was a pickup truck.”
I knew the blue Ford F150 had belonged to Robert.
The truck had literally been folded in two. The box was hiked up into the air like the tail of a scorpion about to sting. The driveshaft had travelled up and through the bed.
The driver’s compartment now held the engine and transmission along with a front wheel and what remained of the radiator. The spokes of the steering wheel were folded forward and the column was bent up and to the right.
“It’s an error in judgment, son,” said my father. “Take a good look at it!”
Robert had been a local kid. He had worked hard to buy the pickup truck. It was a base model – nothing fancy – but it was shiny and new and had that “fresh from the factory” aroma.
Robert had owned the truck for only a few days when he decided to see how fast it could go.
It was “going” nearly 160 kilometres per hour on a dirt road when it collided with a parked and fully loaded gravel truck.
Word was the impact had moved the gravel truck forward a metre.
“Every choice we make has a consequence,” said Father.
For reasons unknown, the tow truck had deposited the wreck next to the Hill Top Shell station along the highway where it had caught the eye of a number of passing motorists.
When Father caught word of the wreck’s whereabouts, he decided that we should go see it.
“We often have no idea what burden our choices place on those around us.”
I thought of Robert and the choice he made when he placed his key in the ignition that fateful morning.
I thought about the driver of the gravel truck who parked, for whatever reason, at the bottom of a small hill on a quiet dirt road.
Did the choices these men made seem reasonable at the time? Did they seem inconsequential? Had they even considered the consequences?
What of the consequence for Robert’s girlfriend? News of the accident had sent her running down the road, arms flailing, screaming hysterically.
What of the fallout for Robert’s family, the tow truck driver, police officers and ambulance attendants – for Father and for me?
I found viewing the wreck both shocking and appalling. As young as I was at the time – only 15 – I had a sense the lesson of the wreck was larger than the obvious consequence of poor judgment while driving.
Father knew I was excited about getting my driver’s licence and wanted me to be a safe and conscientious driver. His rationale behind showing me the wreck may have been just that, but over time I realized the lesson applied not just to driving but to all of life.
Without self-awareness and the acknowledgement of a larger sphere of possibilities, our decisions can become impulsive.
We simply “do” without thought to outcomes. Most of us can recall being young and feeling invincible or knew of someone who acted in that manner.
It’s obvious such a belief could prompt any number of foolish choices. From such a standpoint, the notion of losing one’s life by speeding might seem incomprehensible – not even a possibility.
On the other end of the spectrum, we can be filled with fear and make equally poor choices.
When we come from a place of fear, our decisions will invariably be flawed. Consequences can seem overwhelming to us and as a result, we may become frozen by indecisiveness.
Either that or we try to run away. Fight or flight will invariably prompt us to make reactive rather than responsive choices.
Both perspectives distort our perception of choice and consequence.
Not all choices are equal.
Some require arduous deliberation while others can be relatively easy to make.
The challenge comes in knowing which is which, and often life experience provides us with the most potent clues.
We must, however, realize that not all choices are as simple as they appear. Life is really the sum of our choices.
Being responsive (rather than reactive) in our decisions can help us make better choices.
Responsive thinking takes into account possible outcomes and allows us to differentiate between best and worst case scenarios.
It’s important to consider our motivation when making decisions.
Building self-esteem can help us approach the decision-making process from a more grounded and centred place.
Father stood by the wreck for a few moments longer. I had turned and walked a few metres away. I watched as he squeezed shut his eyes then sighed and shook his head. After a time, he walked slowly over to where I stood and placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Lesson’s over, son,” he said and we both walked away without looking back. I never forgot the day we viewed the wreck. I waited until I was 17 to take my drivers’ exam and from that day forward, have always driven slowly down quiet dirt roads.
Best-selling author and Emmy-award winning actor Al Franken wrote, “Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way; unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.”
I read once that results are what we expect but consequences are what we get. If we can bring awareness to our decision-making then perhaps the consequences we get will be more in keeping with the results that we expect and ultimately desire.
There is seldom any fanfare – rarely if ever crowds cheering when most of us make our biggest decisions in life. And for some of us, there is no path leading back home.
Murray Fuhrer is a local self-esteem expert and facilitator. His new book is entitled Extreme Esteem: The Four Factors. For more information on self-esteem, check the Extreme Esteem website at www.extremeesteem.ca.