Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but for those mourning the loss of a spouse it can be a particularly challenging time.
“It’s an issue all year round. People deal with that reality on a daily basis,” said Pastor Henry Steenbergen, with New Life Fellowship Church.
“But Christmas for a lot of people is difficult because Christmas is all about family for a lot of people and there is that empty chair.”
Steenbergen is the head of the leadership team that organizes the Widowed Support Network. The group started in October 2009 and is open to widows and widowers in Red Deer and the surrounding area who have lost their spouses.
“The reason why some of us started this is when you find yourself widowed you find yourself alone, and without your partner, and it’s very much a couple’s world,” Steenbergen said.
He said often people’s social circles will change after they’ve lost their spouses, with couples they hung out with dropping them as friends.
As a pastor, Steenbergen has spoken to many widowers and widows in his work, but he didn’t fully understand where they were coming from until he lost his own wife of 25 and a half years, Bernice, when she passed away suddenly almost two years ago.
“The hard thing is you lose your spouse during the most difficult circumstance of your life, and the person who you would normally go to for support and encouragement and comfort, that person ironically isn’t there for you,” Steenbergen said.
He said the Widowed Support Network allows people a chance to socialize with people who understand where they are coming from and know how it feels to lose a spouse.
It hasn’t happened to him, but Steenbergen said people who attend the meetings have told him that family and friends say some horrible things because they just don’t understand.
“I think what people appreciate the most is just being with people who understand what it is like,” he said.
The group has a monthly meeting the third Friday of every month from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at New Life Fellowship Church at 20 Kelloway Crescent in Red Deer, which is located behind Totem on the northside.
The group will also have informal dinners at restaurants in between the regular meeting time. People don’t have to be members of the New Life Fellowship Church or any other church to attend the meetings.
Steenbergen said sometimes the group will have a speaker in to talk about grief and bereavement issues, but often those who attend are happy just to have a potluck meal together and socialize. He said depending on the night anywhere from under 10 people to more than 20 may attend.
Steenbergen said people who are widows or widowers get tired of going everywhere alone, but he said this is one of those things where everyone comes alone and they are in the same situation.
For more information email widowedsupportnetwork@gmail.com or contact Henry Steenbergen at 403-341-3111.
sobrien@www.reddeeradvocate.com