Just when I thought I’d just about heard everything, an ad pops up on my computer screen. I didn’t want an ad popping up on my computer screen. I did have an “ad blocker” installed for quite a while which was excellent because it actually stopped all those annoying advertisements from interrupting my research of watching rock bands and movie clips on YouTube. But then YouTube sent me a somewhat snooty email telling me in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t ditch my ad blocker I wouldn’t be able to use YouTube anymore. So, in the name of research I gave in and deleted my ad blocker thingy.
And now whenever I’m on YouTube or anywhere else on the interweb for that matter, ads come flying at me like detritus from the business end of a manure spreader. Ads for prescription drugs that don’t tell you what they’re for, ads for banks you don’t like, a million and one ads for betting on sports even though you thought betting on sports was actually illegal.
But every once in a very blue moon, completely against your will and your better judgment one of those unwanted, unbidden and unfortunate ads tweaks your attention and you make the mistake of clicking on it. Which means you will be mercilessly bombarded with notices, updates, special offers and endless product pictures, posters and proposals until the day you die or change your email address and passwords, whichever comes first.
That’s what happened to me with something called Flex Focus. I’d never heard of their product before, and being as curious as a cat with 19 lives I went down the rabbit hole. Aside from mixing animal metaphors I couldn’t help checking out something I’d never heard of. “Adjustable glasses” I mean. It really caught my eye (sorry).
That’s right. Eye glasses you can adjust. While they’re sitting on your face. What a great idea, I thought, so I had to take the plunge and do a deeper dive into the fountain of knowledge. Apologies for spewing exaggerated figures of speech, but since I’ve had every kind of glasses, spectacles, contacts and cataracts since astigmatism was invented I threw caution into the whipping wind from the manure spreader.
Glasses started in Grade 4 at South School when I clearly saw that there was nothing clear about the writing on the blackboard. For weeks I thought everyone saw the teacher’s perfect cursive writing as blurry lines of chalk, but finally, the writing was on the wall (sorry). “Why aren’t you copying from the board into your scribbler?” Mrs. Hammer admonished one day. And a couple of weeks later I had new doofus glasses and my friends were laughing at me. But it was a sharp new world out there.
Still, although I appreciated being able to actually see, and who doesn’t, I never liked wearing glasses. Except maybe at the Comp (LTCHS) when I got a pair of round wire-rim John Lennon glasses and figured I was too cool for high school. I was quite the spectacle (so sorry).
Anyway, I’m always on the lookout for how spectacles can be improved and I figured these new adjustable lenses might be a real eye-opener (still sorry). But after eyeing them a lot closer (enough, already) it turns out they are fairly limited. You can turn a little dial on each corner of the glasses and change the focus alright, but your field of vision is less and they don’t correct astigmatism which is part of the problem with most of us Four-Eyes.
Adjustable glasses are fairly cheap — $15.00-$20.00 — but the response has been decidedly mixed. So, don’t go out and buy one sight unseen. So to speak.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.