‘Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house,
only one creature was stirring – and that was a mouse.
All the humans were at work, or out in the mall,
just one little mouse in the house, and that’s all.
Came in from outside where he lived in a shed,
so tired of cold, he wanted warm instead.
So when the humans were leaving early that day,
he slipped in through the door, and decided to stay.
The little guy looked at the tree and the lights,
and he saw it was all so shiny and bright.
“Much better than the shed,” he thought “With the dirty old tools”
so he scampered into the kitchen, and up on the stool.
There were cookies and chocolates, but he was not pleased,
all that he wanted was a nice chunk of cheese.
Down off the countertop and under the tree,
“There‘s gotta be some Gouda in here for me!”
So he sniffed, and he dug, into a bright red box,
but it was only some underwear, and two fuzzy socks.
“There must be some nice cheese in this pile” the mouse said,
so he dug, and he dug, and he buried his head.
He opened a blue box, and the paper was flying,
he wasn’t finding cheese, but he certainly was trying.
He dug out a nice sweater, and a video game,
some books, and some toys, and more of the same.
But nothing to nibble on, nothing to chew, no cheddar, no Swiss, no fromage de blue,
so he snuggled under the paper to think what to do.
But wait! Another creature was stirring, down the hall on a bed,
an old cat was stretching, and rubbing her head.
She’d been sleeping, and sleeping as she likes to do,
but now she is hungry, and that’s nothing new.
So she goes to the fridge, and scratches, and claws,
and the door swings open, pushed with her paws.
A bowl of tuna flies out the door,
and the feline feast is all over the floor.
The mouse hears the clatter, and more hungry than smart,
creeps to the kitchen, and has quite a start.
But he was thinking of cheese, and that’s all that mattered,
and the cat was too busy licking a platter.
The mouse sneaks behind her as quick as a cat,
grabs the cheese from the fridge in two seconds flat.
But the old feline female is still pretty quick,
and in a flash has the mouse by the scruff of his neck.
Now the cat’s human slaves never let her have cheese,
so she loosened her grip, and the mouse was quite pleased.
The cat grabbed the Kraft, and began wolfing it down,
and the mouse turned to go, barely making a sound.
But he discovered that tuna is quite a nice treat,
so they both settled in, and began to eat, and to eat.
The cat with the cheese, the mouse with the fish,
a big Christmas dinner, a nice Christmas wish.
But Christmas Eve night wasn’t so great
for the cat, or the mouse, and all the stuff that they ate.
The mouse had gas pains back in his shed,
and the cat was up all night, hiding under the bed.
She was horking up hairballs, and having the runs,
because it turns out most cats especially old ones are lactose intolerant.
May all the cheese and tuna sit well with you, and yours, this holiday season.
Harley Hay is a local freelance writer, award-winning author, filmmaker and musician. His column appears on Saturdays in the Advocate.