So let’s say you’re in China on a nice vacation and number one on your travel bucket list is to see a real live giant panda. You know, those impossibly cute black and white bears that look like they were designed by a cartoonist specializing in children’s stories. Those adorable creatures that look like they’re wearing a tuxedo and are so endearing they make Winnie the Poo seem positively ugly and grumpy. So you go way out of your way and travel way out to the eastern province of Jiangsu and head to the Taizhou Zoo. Because, well, they have pandas.
So you’re all excited and you make your way through the crowds to the panda enclosure and finally, there they are! Two of the most adorable little furry panda bears, and they are perfectly black and white and yes, cute as a proverbial black and white button and you are beside yourself with glee over the amazing adorableness as the pandas play and roll around and wag their sweet little fuzzy-wuzzy tails and your hands are shaking with anticipation for this long-awaited incredible moment as you fumble with your phone and manage to poke the PHOTO icon thingy and you hold it up to take a picture that you’ve been waiting to take all your life… and then it happens.
The littlest panda bear barks. Just like a dog. In fact, exactly like a dog. And then the other panda barks loudly, and all of a sudden the panda bears are growling at each other and yelping and woofing like two dogs in a cage. Which, in fact, is exactly what they are.
You lower your phone without even taking a photo because it only now dawns on you that the panda bears you’ve travelled all the way around the world to see are not so much “bears” as they are, in fact, “dogs”. Not ailuropoda melanoleuca at all, but yer ordinary everyday canis lupus familiaris. And upon closer inspection of these barking “bears” it suddenly becomes embarrassingly obvious that these panda dogs are actually impressive specimens of the popular Chinese breed known as Chow Chows.
Except that where your normal, standard Chow Chow is sturdy, square and covered in dense hair that is most often cinnamon color these Chow Chows have been painted “panda”. That’s right; the two dogs have been expertly painted black and white in all the right places to look exactly like giant pandas. I’ve seen the video (which is hard to miss on account of it instantly went viral with about 85 gazillion views) and I must say the panda pup conversion is very impressive and the two fluffy fakes are unbelievably cute.
But not all animal lovers are amused by the painted panda parade; in fact the whole thing has cause a whole lot of panda-monium (sorry). The Zoo (which does not have any real pandas) has been vilified for “misleading visitors and mistreating the dogs”. Zoo officials argue that there is a sign near the enclosure that clearly says “Panda Dogs” and that the animals are so adorable it’s your problem if you don’t like Chow Chow panda pretenders. Ok, so they didn’t say that last part but many people online are bear-ly able to contain their disgust, pointing out that if you dye dogs they can die. They say the poor panda pups are at risk of skin irritation and disease and could be psychologically damaged by developing a traumatic personality gender disorder by eventually identifying as a bear rather than a dog.
Okay so they didn’t say that last part either but I’m sure it’s really hard on the dogs pretending to be pandas all day. It must be almost too much to bear.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.
