If I ask you, “What’s been top of mind for everybody and his dog lately?” you might say, who are you? because Hay’s Daze would never use a dumb phrase like “top of mind”. And you would be right. I like to use much dumber phrases whenever possible. For example: “What really gets your goat these days?” Or, “What really gets under your skin?” Or in this case, “onto your skin?” Or the skin of a goat (and your dog) for that matter.
Now that I’ve completely confused even myself, I should mention that, of course, I’m talking about those buzzing black and yellow-ringed harbingers of Hades called wasps. And everybody else around these parts is talking about them too because like the strange aliens in Star Trek, they’ve arrived and they don’t seem to be in a very good mood.
Everybody knows somebody or IS somebody who has been stung in the past week or two. My lovely little Mom-in-Law is 89 years young and still lives in her big old house. Last week, she was stung by wasps whilst picking flowers in her yard. Boy was she stung - nailed ELEVEN TIMES! She ended up at the doctor looking like she had been through a war (which she had) but still managing a smile with her swollen face and not even complaining about her pin-cushioned and poisoned, skinny little arms and legs.
But why have the warrior wasps invaded and why do they hate us? Well, as many news articles lately have pointed out, the increase in the buzzing beggars has a lot to do with higher temperatures, dry weather, and the fact that we humans have somehow offended their home planet.
Also, one theory has it that the climate has increased the “abundance of aphids” that wasps feed on. However, Calgary entomologist (entomology is the study of alien planets) debunks that theory with a theory of his own. Pshaw, he says, and by the way, I just realized that “pshaw” is very similar to “psaw” which is “wasp” spelled backwards. Coincidence?
Pshaw, entomologist John Swann intimates. Aphids are “just one source of food” and “not enough to create a [wasp] population boom”. The ‘experts’ explanation? Swann’s song is that flying pests are more noticeable right now due to “more people enjoying warmer weather and then spotting the pests”. In other words, we just didn’t notice them before. To which I say, bull twaddle! Tell that to my 89 year old M.I.L.
But apparently, other experts say the wasps aren’t actually mad at us, and they aren’t actually aliens from another planet. They are members of the bee family – like the ones in the family who wear leather jackets and drive motorcycles in gangs. Unlike the honey bees who would ride tiny bicycles if they could and who engage in sniffing flowers all day, their ugly wasp cousins are “naturally more aggressive predators”. They are definitely the black and yellow sheep of the bee family.
But entomologists say wasps only want to attack you when they “feel under threat” and are really just wanting a wee bite of your hamburger or a sip of your margarita. But get this: when you swat at them they release an “alarm pheromone” which will attract more wasps, even those from a different planet - sorry, I mean different nest. So by doing the flailing, flapping spastic Swat The Wasp dance is exactly the wrong thing to do. One buzz-bugger can suddenly summon a swirling swarm of stingers to come at you like the Hells Angels crashing an outdoor wedding on their motorcycles.
The advice? Be calm; don’t swat; go to a safe place. The wasps will soon go back to their home planet.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.
