I don’t want to brag and I certainly don’t want a whole bunch of awards even if I do totally deserve them, but the other day, I saved the Easter Bunny’s life. I was driving along a city street going somewhere (of course) minding my own business, practicing non-distracted driving even though I was listening to the radio (does that count?) when up ahead something caught my eye.
It was just a flash, less than the way a flash on a camera flashes but more than, say, the brief glint of a single ray of sunshine flickering off the chrome bumper of an old car. So, without thinking and instantly forgetting the steadfast tenants of defensive driving, I spontaneously, impulsively and recklessly slammed on my brakes, and nearly caused a rear-end collision that would have involved a fairly substantial chain of vehicles behind me.
But all was well (for the moment) on account I recovered quickly and hit the G pedal and lurched back up to speed and the people behind me didn’t crash because they were much better at defensive driving than I was. (I immediately assumed that those drivers behind me had all recently completed AMA driving lessons.) But there it was again – another flashy thingy. On the side of the road to my right. And it was starting to move. Move right onto the road up ahead. Right into my path!
Luckily, I was still a few car lengths from the flashy thingy which upon closer inspection turned out to be mostly white and furry. And it was heading across the road and I was booting along in my SUV and I was going to run it over!
As in slow motion, I saw that it wasn’t a dog, it wasn’t a cat and it wasn’t an armadillo because we don’t have those in Alberta, no, it was clearly a rabbit. An oryctolagus cuniculus, or more to the point a bunny — and not only that I knew right away it was, in fact, the Easter Bunny!
So I did two things in a millisecond (or perhaps a microsecond, whichever is smallest) that I’m sure will impress you duly. I laid on the horn (not actually lying down) and hit my hazard lights (which some old timers call “four-way flashers”). Oh, and a third thing: I slammed on the brakes, this time without excessive slamming.
This (if I may say so myself) clever avoidance procedure resulted in two results. One, the cars behind me all stopped (without crashing into me or each other), and two, the Easter Bunny hippity-hopped happily across the street in front of me, safe and sound and free to carry on his pre-Easter reconnoitring places to hide chocolate eggs in the neighbourhood.
I was going to make a wee joke by saying that the Easter Bunny bounded along in front of us on the right-hand side of the busy street, only to head right into a speeding line of traffic going the other way and… But that would be in poor taste, especially at Easter.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “How come Americans turn into morons when they vote”. No sorry, that’s a different column – you’re thinking, “Harley, how on earth did you know it was THE Easter bunny and not just some random rabbit?” And I wouldn’t blame you. There certainly are a lot of rabbit-like critters out and about this time of year.
Well, my answer to that is simple: I know magic when I see it. And of course, all lucky ones know magic when they see it. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Connor McDavid. And besides, that bulging bag of chocolate eggs the Bunny was carrying gave it away.
I don’t want to brag and I certainly don’t want a whole bunch of awards even if I do totally deserve them, but the other day, I saved the Easter Bunny’s life. I was driving along a city street going somewhere (of course) minding my own business, practicing non-distracted driving even though I was listening to the radio (does that count?) when up ahead something caught my eye.
It was just a flash, less than the way a flash on a camera flashes but more than, say, the brief glint of a single ray of sunshine flickering off the chrome bumper of an old car. So, without thinking and instantly forgetting the steadfast tenants of defensive driving, I spontaneously, impulsively and recklessly slammed on my brakes, and nearly caused a rear-end collision that would have involved a fairly substantial chain of vehicles behind me.
But all was well (for the moment) on account I recovered quickly and hit the G pedal and lurched back up to speed and the people behind me didn’t crash because they were much better at defensive driving than I was. (I immediately assumed that those drivers behind me had all recently completed AMA driving lessons.) But there it was again – another flashy thingy. On the side of the road to my right. And it was starting to move. Move right onto the road up ahead. Right into my path!
Luckily, I was still a few car lengths from the flashy thingy which upon closer inspection turned out to be mostly white and furry. And it was heading across the road and I was booting along in my SUV and I was going to run it over!
As in slow motion, I saw that it wasn’t a dog, it wasn’t a cat and it wasn’t an armadillo because we don’t have those in Alberta, no, it was clearly a rabbit. An oryctolagus cuniculus, or more to the point a bunny — and not only that I knew right away it was, in fact, the Easter Bunny!
So I did two things in a millisecond (or perhaps a microsecond, whichever is smallest) that I’m sure will impress you duly. I laid on the horn (not actually lying down) and hit my hazard lights (which some old timers call “four-way flashers”). Oh, and a third thing: I slammed on the brakes, this time without excessive slamming.
This (if I may say so myself) clever avoidance procedure resulted in two results. One, the cars behind me all stopped (without crashing into me or each other), and two, the Easter Bunny hippity-hopped happily across the street in front of me, safe and sound and free to carry on his pre-Easter reconnoitring places to hide chocolate eggs in the neighbourhood.
I was going to make a wee joke by saying that the Easter Bunny bounded along in front of us on the right-hand side of the busy street, only to head right into a speeding line of traffic going the other way and… But that would be in poor taste, especially at Easter.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “How come Americans turn into morons when they vote”. No sorry, that’s a different column – you’re thinking, “Harley, how on earth did you know it was THE Easter bunny and not just some random rabbit?” And I wouldn’t blame you. There certainly are a lot of rabbit-like critters out and about this time of year.
Well, my answer to that is simple: I know magic when I see it. And of course, all lucky ones know magic when they see it. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Connor McDavid. And besides, that bulging bag of chocolate eggs the Bunny was carrying gave it away.
I don’t want to brag and I certainly don’t want a whole bunch of awards even if I do totally deserve them, but the other day, I saved the Easter Bunny’s life. I was driving along a city street going somewhere (of course) minding my own business, practicing non-distracted driving even though I was listening to the radio (does that count?) when up ahead something caught my eye.
It was just a flash, less than the way a flash on a camera flashes but more than, say, the brief glint of a single ray of sunshine flickering off the chrome bumper of an old car. So, without thinking and instantly forgetting the steadfast tenants of defensive driving, I spontaneously, impulsively and recklessly slammed on my brakes, and nearly caused a rear-end collision that would have involved a fairly substantial chain of vehicles behind me.
But all was well (for the moment) on account I recovered quickly and hit the G pedal and lurched back up to speed and the people behind me didn’t crash because they were much better at defensive driving than I was. (I immediately assumed that those drivers behind me had all recently completed AMA driving lessons.) But there it was again – another flashy thingy. On the side of the road to my right. And it was starting to move. Move right onto the road up ahead. Right into my path!
Luckily, I was still a few car lengths from the flashy thingy which upon closer inspection turned out to be mostly white and furry. And it was heading across the road and I was booting along in my SUV and I was going to run it over!
As in slow motion, I saw that it wasn’t a dog, it wasn’t a cat and it wasn’t an armadillo because we don’t have those in Alberta, no, it was clearly a rabbit. An oryctolagus cuniculus, or more to the point a bunny — and not only that I knew right away it was, in fact, the Easter Bunny!
So I did two things in a millisecond (or perhaps a microsecond, whichever is smallest) that I’m sure will impress you duly. I laid on the horn (not actually lying down) and hit my hazard lights (which some old timers call “four-way flashers”). Oh, and a third thing: I slammed on the brakes, this time without excessive slamming.
This (if I may say so myself) clever avoidance procedure resulted in two results. One, the cars behind me all stopped (without crashing into me or each other), and two, the Easter Bunny hippity-hopped happily across the street in front of me, safe and sound and free to carry on his pre-Easter reconnoitring places to hide chocolate eggs in the neighbourhood.
I was going to make a wee joke by saying that the Easter Bunny bounded along in front of us on the right-hand side of the busy street, only to head right into a speeding line of traffic going the other way and… But that would be in poor taste, especially at Easter.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “How come Americans turn into morons when they vote”. No sorry, that’s a different column – you’re thinking, “Harley, how on earth did you know it was THE Easter bunny and not just some random rabbit?” And I wouldn’t blame you. There certainly are a lot of rabbit-like critters out and about this time of year.
Well, my answer to that is simple: I know magic when I see it. And of course, all lucky ones know magic when they see it. Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Connor McDavid. And besides, that bulging bag of chocolate eggs the Bunny was carrying gave it away.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.
