The days are short, the nights are long, and whether another day brings big blue Alberta skies or 100 km/hr winds with a bit of freezing rain or snow for good measure, there’s no denying that it’s the dead of winter.
Sometimes it feels like your only relative is Aunt Arctica. And no matter which way the wind blows we’re in it for a while yet. That’s why we all need a little cheering up these days (for many non-winter reasons too!) so, how about a few January Gems from my Smile File to turn those blahs into hahas or those dozy doldrums into food for thought?
One friend to another: I’m not saying I order from Amazon a lot, but I just received a wedding invitation from one of their drivers!
Elderly wife to elderly husband: What do you mean, you forgot where you parked? You’re shopping online!
Thing is, one minute you’re young and fun and the next minute you are turning down your car stereo down to see better!
How about some philosophical musings of famous people who have something to say. (Just to confirm that not all famous people are power-hungry dipsticks.) The popular American author Jean Kerr once wrote: The only reason they say 'women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. Good old Prince Philip once supposedly said: When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. And Indiana Solo himself, Harrison “I drive a Chevy” Ford is said to have said, Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
Now, it’s patently impossible to fact-check the quotes attributed to anyone on account of the interweb is a fascinating place full of facts but fraught with fakery. But let’s pretend for a moment it’s all real.
For example, Arnold Schwarzenegger said having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. Johnny Carson: If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Comedian Jonathan Katz: In hotel rooms, I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
And vaudevillian with the big schnozz, Jimmy Durante once waxed: Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
And this quote from the paranoid, deranged millionaire Howard Hughes is a gem: I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I'm a billionaire!
And Irish crazy man Spike Milligan has some great advice when asked what to do when feeling ill on boat: The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. 1940s humorist Robert Benchley punished people with pitifully pathetic wordplay: I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Financier George Roberts offers this bit of wisdom: The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. And speaking of flying, here’s a rather sobering thought from famous astronaut John Glenn - As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. Yikes.
And more yikes with this comment from a guy who found out why spelling really matters: She just texted me and said I can still smell your colon on my pillow.
I’ll leave January with a thought to think about from the poet W.H. Auden: We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.