So I’m sure you’re quite concerned about the controversial debate going on these days that has serious ramifications far into the future for all mankind. Articles and arguments are popping up all over the place opposing one side against the other and rendering emotions raw and dividing all of us as we vigorously defend our heart-felt opinions on this important dispute.
It’s reached the point that stubborn argumentative anger is popping like a bowl of Corn Pops, crackling like Rice Krispies, and crunching like Captain Crunch. So who here among us is brave enough to tell the world their personal answer to that universal question: Which comes first, the cereal or the milk?
I mean, I’ve honestly never even heard of dumping milk in a bowl before your Shredded Wheat. It makes about as much sense as a chocolate teapot! I’m actually having trouble believing that all this claim of milk-before-cereal is just another clear case of ‘fake news’. In fact, the practice of Cereal Last may quite possibly be an indictable offense punishable, one hopes, by several hundred years in the slammer.
I myself am completely neutral on the question except to say: “WHAT!? You’re kidding, right?!” I’m sure Milk First People are fairly normal, fine upstanding citizens but when it comes to cereal, they are obviously misguided at the very least, and possibly completely deranged. I suppose the MFPs also pour out the dressing first and dump their salad on top? What good is that beautiful dollop of whipped cream on top of your hot chocolate if it ends up on the bottom? And I hate to think what they do with the cherry on top of a chocolate sundae.
But astoundingly, it has been reported recently that 50 per cent of cereal breakfast eaters deign to pour the milk before the cereal! But where are these 50 percenters and where are they hiding when they have breakfast? And even if there are that many Milk First People, the real question is: WHY?! For the answer to this troubling thought we turn to that place where all important truths are debated. No, not City Hall, the interweb of course, where the cereal argument is as hot and heavy as morning porridge.
Apparently pouring milk before cereal is, according to passionate MFPs, critical because “cereal floats” and the bottom of the bowl doesn’t turn to “mush”” as quickly. They claim that this method, and I quote, “Allows the bottom portion of the cereal to stay in perfect equilibrium of crunchy yet moist that is so fleeting in the cereal experience”.
The CFPs (the normal people) counter that those who argue that pouring milk first creates a “better cereal-to-milk ratio” are “weird” and that cereal first is the only way to “ensure proper coating of the solid.”
Wow. These people should be debating world peace at the United Nations. Also, I know that you’re thinking: these people should get a life! But I for one recognize the importance of wasting time, energy and brain power on useless, silly things. So in the interest of journalistic fairness, excuse me for a moment while I hit the kitchen to try this dumb Milk First thing for myself…
*Insert “Jeopardy” tick tock song here…
OK, I’m back. So I got out the family size box of Corn Flakes, a jug of 1%, a bowl, spoon, and an open mind and went all-in, milk first. On the plus: I didn’t splash milk off the flakes all over the table as usual. Minus: It was difficult to judge the aforementioned ratio – way too much milk. Conclusion: How about we stop arguing about cereal and strive for world peace instead. And have waffles for breakfast.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. You can send him column ideas to harleyhay1@hotmail.com.