I suppose you’re wondering what’s happening these days in the wide, wide world of sports. No? Well, darn it, because I have the skinny on the latest crazy, weird and whacky sports world goings on, and you’ve read this far, and it’s too late to turn back now!
Have you heard about the ‘torpedo bat’? No, it’s not a new species of “chiroptera’’ mammals like the little brown bat or the famous vampire bat that dives out of the sky like a torpedo directly into your hair, it’s a baseball bat and it’s “shaking up Major League Baseball”.
You see, a couple of weeks ago, the New York Yankees hit an incredible nine home runs against the Milwaukee Brewers, and five of the homers came off of new torpedo bats.
The barrel of a torpedo bat is (sort of) shaped like a torpedo, or (sort of) like a bowling pin. It was invented by a MIT physicist, and it is said to increase the "sweet spot" by making the thickest part of the bat closer to the batter’s hands. And now Canadian manufacturers, where most of the torpedo bats are made, are going batty (sorry) and are bowled over (sorry) by being torpedoed (sorry again) by urgent requests from MLB players who want to get their sticky gloved hands on one. But some players are not convinced. “It’s probably cuz the Yankees have really good players,” said one Brewers outfielder after most of the torpedo batted balls bombed over his head.
From bats to floors - how about glass? As in glass floors, as in glass floors on basketball courts? That’s right; a German company is busy building floors made of “fused-together layers of safety glass covering LED panels”. What, you may say as you reminisce fondly about squeaking around trying to nail a three-pointer in the high school gym, is wrong with good old hardwood floors?! Well, nothing really, but it’s all about the lights.
With glass floors, anything that can be shown on a screen can light up the floor. Everything from giant photos of the players to logos, colors, graphics and advertising. They can even make the floor look exactly like a hardwood basketball court. How’s that for irony? And like torpedo bats, it’s already showing up in the major leagues everywhere. And – bonus! – the glass floor still has the same shoe-squeak as good ole hardwood!
And finally, news from the world of boxing, where there is never ever any controversy whatsoever, there seems to be quite a kerfuffle over hair gel. In a recent title fight in New York, title defender Gervonta “Tank” Davis suddenly ran over to his corner in the ninth round and took a knee and the bout was stopped. I turns out that Tank said there was “hair grease” in his eyes and he needed his trainer to towel it off. “I didn’t want to get caught while my eyes were burning, you can get knocked out like that” said Tank, showing remarkable insight into how the sport of boxing works.
Now the boxing rules (oxymoron!) state if you take a knee it’s an automatic count, which didn’t happen and which strongly peeved Tank’s opponent, Lamont Roach Jr. He said he was “robbed” because it should have been counted as a knock down and the victory given to him. “Knock out by Brylcreem!” might have been the official verdict, but it was not to be. The match was ruled a draw and Tank retained his title.
Many in the boxing milieu called it an “utter disgrace”, but you could say the 30-year-old Tank won by a hair. (Sorry.)
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.
