December 1st. Tomorrow. Okay, everybody say it with me: “I can’t believe it’s December already!” Well, we all better believe it because we all know what December means. It means it’s no longer November. Also it means there are only 576 shopping hours until Christmas morning because what with online power-purchasing we can shop 24 hours a day. But of course if you are like me you will still wait until right around Christmas Eve to start snagging some presents for the nice and naughty names on your Christmas list. And that always has disaster written all over it. It’s not a good idea to do your Christmas shopping for your entire family on December 24 at the 7/11. Trust me.
That’s why I’ve spent several exhausting minutes researching the “best” and “coolest” gifts that you can give this Christmas so that you don’t have to go through the misery of putting any effort into thinking and shopping. So without further ah-doo here are a couple of amazing suggestions from your handy Hay’s Daze 2024 Christmas Gift Guide:
The Alpha Portable Heater. Do you find it chilly in some rooms of your house, garage or garden shed? Now you can stay warm with this hot little item! About the size of a brick of cheddar cheese, you plug it in anywhere you like and vawaa-la – instant heat comes out of its glowing little element. Advertised ‘safety features’ insure that it probably won’t burn your house down. Only $99.
The Alpha Heat Vest. Are you still chilly when you venture out of your warm digs? Well, shiver no more. Again, from the Alpha company comes a stylish puffer vest that has a secret. It has a hidden battery and “four heating zones” and you press a little button and in seconds you go from frigid to frying. Just don’t forget that Mars bar you put in your pocket. A hot buy at $59.99.
The Chill Pill. If you think I’m a bit obsessed with being cold all the time (you would be right) however, the Chill Pill has nothing to do with falling body temperature. It has to do with falling asleep. The Chill Pill is not an actual pill; it’s a small plastic pod you hold in your hand which “sends safe electronic pulses that calm your brain” that “lull you into a deep sleep in just a few minutes”. I am not making this up. If you want to pony up around 70 or 80 smackers, let me know if it works. The Chill Pill people make no mention of possible brain damage from the ‘electronic pulses’ to the noodle.
WifiGuard Cam. Are you worried about prowlers, burglars and/or what’s going on in other rooms in your home? No problem! This battery operated little wireless spy camera (about the size of a Timbit) can be stuck surreptitiously just about anywhere and it links to your phone so that no matter where you are you can check what’s going on. Great for when you have guests over in the spare bedroom (!). Get a whole bunch - $39.99 each.
Kailo. And finally, how about something to relieve pain? Now yer talkin’, I can hear you say all the way from here. Kailo is a “revolutionary” pain patch – a thin rectangular sheet about the size of your cell phone. You stick it where it hurts – your back, hip, knee, noodle (kidding) and its “billions of tiny micro capacitors” works on the body’s nervous system to bring “instant relief”. What a great gift for somebody that has (or is) a pain in the neck! $138.99 each.
So there you have it. Something for everyone on your list. But remember, 7/11 will always do in a pinch.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker. Reach out to Harley with any thoughts or ideas at harleyhay99@gmail.com.
