I am applying to become a Liberal speechwriter for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. As a sample, I have written a one-liner he can memorize so he won’t have to think on his feet and we won’t be subjected to so many “Ahs.”
“I’m sure most Canadians know by now that the budget will balance itself and that low-income folk pay no taxes, and also that I am totally honest and never spin a line when asked a question because of my exceeding transparency and sunny ways, plus I am guaranteeing you get a larger carbon tax rebate than you pay out, which proves I can work wonders, but if the Canadian people are foolish enough to not re-elect me, not to worry, as my wife and I have already got our bags packed for New York, where my real goal will be accomplished as leader of the United Nations, because the whole world knows by now how brilliant I am and how I support women and intend to see them all educated (no so much the men) and my unwavering faithfulness to all Indigenous people, and that I alone will be able to force China, Russia and the Arab nations to fully get on board with my carbon tax, so there you go.”
Jim Wallace, Red Deer County