Time for an update. Way back — six or so long months ago, when this scary damn-demic descended upon us all like, well, a plague, I attempted to cheer up folks by sharing a bunch of so-called memes: sarcastic comments, cynical observations and satirical musings.
It’s that time again. Time for a brief smile or two (hopefully). I think we need it right now.
I know I do.
And although these days, it sometimes seems like we are wading interminably through a sinking pit of smothering quicksand, I’m here to report that taking a lighter and possibly irreverent look at something deadly serious can help us get through an unfortunate disaster.
How about this one: “Had I known in March that it was the last time I would be in a restaurant, I would have ordered the dessert.”
And now that the talk is all about the second wave, is this comment a little too close to home?
“So for season 2, can we switch quarantine partners, or are we stuck with the same ones from season 1?”
Or how about a little darker outlook, as in: “When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.”
“Breaking news: Swimming pools will be reopening on schedule, however, due to continued social distancing regulations, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3 and 5.”
How about a couple of somewhat practical comments from someone with an obvious coping strategy: “Good morning fellow COVID inmates! Does anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs?”
And a lady holding a full glass of bubbly in each hand: “You know, I find that having two glasses of wine at once stops me from touching my face.”
For you political revolutionary types, here is a timely public service announcement: “Due to COVID-19, we are asking all violent protesters to work from home, and destroy their own property.”
And for the courageous, indomitable teachers and students sallying forth in the name of a much-needed return to the quest for higher education, this sign, printed on a board, in chalk, accidentally makes a good point: “Education is relly important, but opening the pubbs is importanter!”
And here’s an astute and wholly depressing thought: “In retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to ‘Where do you see yourself in five years from now?”
And yet, here we are. Masks, litres of sanitizer, social distancing…
Which reminds me of a story: Two grandmas are talking about their precious darlings.
“Mine are so good at social distancing,” one grandma sighs, “they won’t even call me.”
And finally, I happened to stop for gas at a little place out of town the other day and went to use the facilities. There on the sink was a small sign: “Wash your hands until you’ve sung Happy Birthday twice!” So I did.
And then — coincidence? — this came into my email the next day from a cousin in B.C.: “Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a birthday cake.”
Hopefully, you’ve had a much-needed snort, chuckle, giggle or smile for a second or two. Because the social isolation isn’t going anywhere soon, so I guess we’ll all be making a bunch more inside jokes for a long while.
Harley Hay is a Red Deer author and filmmaker.