Dear Annie: My fiancee, “Beth,” and I have been together for more than two years.
Recently, she called off our wedding, saying she isn’t ready.
The wedding was planned for a year in the future, so I am grateful she told me now.
A few weeks later, we decided to take a break and work on the relationship. We live in separate houses.
Beth has a full-time job. I am in school and work part time.
We used to see each other every day.
Now, although we still talk daily, I only see her twice a week at most.
Beth is talking to a counsellor about her issues, and we have started couples counselling.
One of our main problems is that she becomes distant when things aren’t going well and subconsciously pushes me away. I have never loved and trusted anyone as much as I do her. How can I support and help her? — Confused in California
Dear Confused: You already are being supportive by attending counselling sessions and not pushing Beth to make decisions any sooner than she is able. We hope counselling will help you reach a satisfactory resolution.
If so, your relationship will be stronger than ever. But please understand it is also possible that underlying issues will come to light and one of you might decide that marriage is not in the cards. This is neither good nor bad. It is simply how things sometimes work out.
Dear Annie: I have a former school friend, “Paula,” who has lived in another state for 30 years. She and her husband visit relatives in our area once or twice a year.
She has hinted that they would like to stay overnight at our house.
We have one guest bedroom, but my husband uses it as his bedroom. We would rather Paula not know that we have separate bedrooms.
I would like Paula and her husband to visit our home but find lodging elsewhere. She is always inviting us to stay with them, and we turn the offers down because if we accepted, we would be obligated to return the favour. What can we do? — Prefer Privacy
Dear Prefer: Do some legwork and find hotels or motels nearby. (We assume there are reasons she cannot stay at the homes of her various relatives.) You are not obligated to put them up at your house. It’s OK to say, “We wish we could accommodate you, but it is simply not possible. However, there’s a lovely motel a few miles away, and we’d be thrilled to pick you up and bring you here for dinner.”
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.