It seems that being a material girl — or guy — can be hard on a marriage, especially if both spouses place a high value on money and accumulating possessions, research suggests.
In a study by Brigham Young University, researchers found that materialism in a spouse was associated with lower levels of responsiveness to the partner, less emotional maturity, poor communication and higher levels of conflict.
The study, published Thursday in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, also found that love of money in one or both spouses led to reduced satisfaction in the relationship and threatened the marriage’s stability.
“We did find that materialism is harmful to marriage and that the effect of it seems to be widespread,” lead author Jason Carroll, a professor of family life at Brigham Young in Provo, Utah, said in an interview.
“This is more of an erosion pattern, rather than a landfall pattern.”
Carroll said couples in which both spouses reported not caring about money — about 14 per cent of the group — scored 10 to 15 per cent higher on marriage stability and other measures of relationship quality than did couples where one or both are materialistic.
The effect was particularly pronounced when both the husband and wife worshipped at the altar of consumerism, as was the case in about 20 per cent of participants.
“Couples where both spouses are materialistic were worse off on nearly every measure we looked at,” he said.
The study involved 1,734 married couples across the United States.
Each spouse filled out a questionnaire, which included a self-report on how much he or she values “having money and lots of things.”
Researchers expected there would be more conflict and lower marital satisfaction when there was a mismatch in values between partners, with one being materialistic and the other not, Carroll said.
“However, our study found that it’s actually the couples where both have high levels of materialism that struggled the most,” he said. “So even when spouses were unified in that value stance, they were the couples that (fared the worst).”
Carroll said being materialistic could lead some people to spend more than they can afford, creating debt and financial stress that can wear away the emotional glue that holds couples together. The focus by one spouse on money and what it can buy can also leave the partner feeling neglected and unhappy, he suggested.
With fears about the volatile economy, those whose happiness relies on augmenting and showing off their possessions may have difficulty if forced to tighten their belts, he said, adding that it’s important to sort out their wants from needs.
“The wants in the long run really won’t be the biggest foundation to their happiness because it’s not really getting to what they truly need.
“If we prioritize relationships and keep them at the top of our focus, that really helps us from getting sucked into the materialistic messages in the culture and helps us where true happiness will be found.”
Five tips to get you both on the same page
It’s easy for altar-bound couples to ignore the fact that they are joining together two financial lives, as well as two personal ones.
Gerri Willis, a columnist for CNN’s Money, suggests if partners don’t take time to address the issue, money and relationship problems can arise further down the aisle. Conflict over money is, after all, a leading cause for divorce.
Here are five tips on talking marriage and money — and here’s hoping you’ll live happily ever after.
No secrets — A survey conducted last year by Smart Money/Redbook of married or cohabiting adults found 36 per cent of men and 40 per cent of women admitted they had lied to their spouse about what they had paid for an item.
You should disclose as much as you can to each other, including your salary, debt load, student loans, inheritance, savings and credit status. To put a little sugar on top, talk about your money dreams, too.
Put your spouse ahead of yourself —She makes more and owns the house, so she gets to spend more and gets to make all the financial decisions. That’s not the best attitude to have in a marriage. By drawing lines based on who is ‘worth’ more, you’re bound to start an argument. You have to agree to work together, talk through things.
To combine or not to combine? — If you are a younger couple without a lot of assets, a joint account can work well. This lets you build together from the ground up. Jeff Opdyke, author of Love & Money, calls this “financial intimacy.”
But if you’re an older couple or going into a second marriage, separate accounts may make sense. A third option is to have a joint account for some expenses (joint savings and living expenses) and separate accounts for individual spending money.
Things change — Five or 10 years into your marriage, your money concerns are likely to be different from those you had when you walked down the aisle. That’s why, in addition to monthly money meetings with your spouse to keep abreast of near-term financial issues, you should discuss your big money picture at least once a year.
Take time to discuss the “what ifs.” What if one partner loses his or her job — or decides to stay at home with children? What if one wants to go back to school? What if someone gets a job in another part of the country? Will the other spouse be willing to pack up and move?
Some topics are tough — There are some topics that nobody likes to talk about but that need to be discussed, especially when children are involved. First and foremost, make sure you have a will. If you don’t make a will before your death, the law will determine who gets your property, or worse yet, even raise your children.
You also want to consider life insurance to provide for your family if you pass on.
Finally, talk about a prenuptial agreement if one of you has kids or you’re entering a marriage where one partner has a great deal more in assets than the other.