Cheating wife must be more transparent

Dear Annie: A few months ago, I discovered that my wife was having an affair with her boss. She works for a small company that requires long hours and some travelling.

Dear Annie: A few months ago, I discovered that my wife was having an affair with her boss. She works for a small company that requires long hours and some travelling.

When I confronted her, she didn’t deny it. When I asked her why, she said it was all the long hours, travelling and a little drinking that made it happen.

She took full responsibility. She claims she doesn’t love him, it was a mistake and it will never happen again.

I confronted her boss, who is also married with grown kids and grandchildren. He, too, said it was a mistake and that in his 30 years in business, nothing like that had ever happened before.

He said he loves his wife and family and feels terrible, and acknowledged that sleeping with an employee is unethical and immoral. He insisted he would do everything he could to rebuild my trust.

I chose to forgive both of them, but for months now I have not been able to enjoy my life. My wife continues to work for this company, and all the conditions that existed before are still there. My wife doesn’t understand why I am so suspicious or why I don’t want her to travel with him. They both reassure me that nothing is going on, but it’s hard to believe. They are constantly on the phone, sending emails or texting. She insists it is all work related, but all of her electronic devices have codes, and she refuses to let me see anything.

Am I being played for a fool? I’ve been in therapy and will continue. While it’s helping me deal with my feelings and moods, the therapist can’t tell me whether or not to stay with my wife. What do you think? — Need Some Help, Please

Dear Need: Ideally, your wife would quit her job or at least refuse to travel with this man. But if the job is a necessity, she needs to be completely transparent in all dealings with her boss. You should be able to look at her text messages and emails and even listen to her phone conversations. If she insists on keeping things from you, it means she has something to hide. Sorry.

Dear Annie: I am asexual, which means I am not interested in sex and am not sexually attracted to men or women.

I am tired of having to explain myself to everyone, tired of people judging me and tired of defending myself. Why does everyone feel the need to tell me it’s “just a phase,” or that I am “only trying to be different”? I am 22, and I know who I am. Why can’t people accept me? — Tired in Maine

Dear Tired: You really aren’t required to discuss your sexual preferences or feelings with anyone.

These things are personal and don’t require justification. Please contact the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network at asexuality.org for support and assistance.

Dear Annie: May I say a few things to “Unhappy Grandmother,” whose son died two months ago and her daughter-in-law is already dating?

The loss of a child is very different from that of a spouse. Many people get involved in relationships right away, and some remarry within a year. For some widows and widowers, it is a need not to be alone. Others marry again because they want to recapture the happiness they felt. Some might remarry because a child has so much grief that they want to fill that space and help the child heal.

I lost my husband when our son was three years old and started dating six months later. Please don’t allow your grief to get in the way of your daughter-in-law’s happiness or ruin your relationship with her. She means no disrespect to your son. Her love for him will always be there. Consider it an honour that she is trying to find someone as special as he was. — Been Down that Road Myself

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Just Posted

Pioneer life at Red Deer museum

Sunnybrook Farm Museum teaches students

Red Deer College student receives scholarship

Funding from Canadian Hearing Society

Central Alberta school districts are graded on their no-smoking policies

ASH wants them to tighten restrictions on tobacco, vaping, as well as cannabis

Free film shown in Red Deer Thursday to celebrate Recovery Day

A free film will be shown in Red Deer on Thursday about… Continue reading

Calder School takes shape in Red Deer

Sunnybrook Farm Museum’s latest addition

Hushing my buzz: Alberta finance minister says cannabis warehouse will be secret

EDMONTON — Alberta is starting to stockpile marijuana but isn’t saying where… Continue reading

Relatives mourn death of Calgary-area woman killed by pet dog protecting child

CALGARY — Relatives of a Calgary-area woman killed by her own pet… Continue reading

Florence death toll climbs to 37; Trump visits stricken area

WILMINGTON, N.C. — The death toll from Hurricane Florence climbed to at… Continue reading

Toronto election proceeding with 25 wards after court sides with province

TORONTO — Ontario’s top court has sided with the provincial government in… Continue reading

Scheer welcomes former Liberal MP Alleslev to Conservative caucus

OTTAWA — Andrew Scheer is trying to fire up his Conservative troops… Continue reading

Trudeau says Canada wants to see ‘movement’ before signing revised NAFTA deal

WASHINGTON — Prime Minister Justin Trudeau signalled today that Canada wants more… Continue reading

Uber driver suing Bucs’ QB Winston over groping incident

PHOENIX — A female Uber driver in Arizona is suing Tampa Bay… Continue reading

Thousands of fans request grand jury probe of Prince’s death

MINNEAPOLIS — Thousands of Prince fans are asking federal authorities to open… Continue reading

Most Read