Caregivers get themselves so involved with the welfare of their spouse that they neglect their own well-being. Consequently, their health goes down hill and they succumb to many serious, stress-related illnesses. It’s a fact that 78 per cent of the caregivers die before their spouses!
Dementia will kill everyone it touches if we let it.
As the care provider, you must take care of yourself. This is not being selfish but survival!
What will your partner do if you are not around? In a crisis situation, they will be moved to a care facility and you could be critically ill and unable to help either of you.
Your health must come first so you can help the both of you! You are important too!
You must believe that a long-term care facility is a safer and a happier location for your spouse. Indeed we could be called selfish for not moving them to a care facility sooner.
We all wait to long to act for a placement for we believe we are indestructible and we love our partner.
The things you must do first (in my opinion):
l Have your partner get a thorough medical examination and queried for the possibility of dementia by your doctor. You should now also consider your own health and get a complete medical exam. Be honest with your physician on how you feel. Stress kills!
l Contact the community health centre, they will arrange home care after an evaluation of need. Also inquire about respite (time away for you) care. In my case, our health centre also conducted a dementia assessment and contacted our physician with their results. Should their assessment of your spouse be positive for dementia, they will get you into the system for eventual long-term care placement.
l See your lawyer and make certain all your paper work is in place such as signing authority and the personal directive. This must be a priority.
l Deal with driving cessation and with the drivers licence as driving safely is no longer possible after there is a diagnosis of progressive dementia. Talk to your doctor as to how to handle this.
l When you feel overwhelmed, contact your doctor for help. If you are not sleeping and not eating properly, you are overwhelmed. Get help! Consider joining a support group.
l You should start thinking about care placement for your spouse. Community health care and your physician will complete the necessary paperwork to apply for the placement. He or she will not get any better! You must survive and placement is inevitable.
l Your finances through your credit cards and cheque book can also be at risk. Take immediate steps to safeguard yourself from possible fraud or inappropriate spending. The PIN number is not necessary for phone purchases.
Should your partner suffer from dementia, you will soon know how very engaging your spouse can be when others are around. Others, including possibly some of your family, will say there is nothing wrong.
None of them have been through your struggles, do not be side-tracked, keep pushing for placement.
Do not feel guilty — you, community health care and your physician are not wrong!
Unfortunately, some people will always be in denial. Stick to your guns.
I have written this critique hopefully to help others. I am no authority and have not been trained on the subject of dementia, I am just a survivor.
Personally, I was blessed by having my son and daughter introduce me to the Red Deer Alzheimer’s Society for help. They saved my life!
I cried and stumbled then cried and stumbled some more and then miss-stepped again. I still have my bad days, even writing this is giving me tears.
However, I have survived and my wife is happy and very well cared for in a long-term care facility.
Please, heed my words: Dementia will kill you if you do not regard its danger and react promptly.
Be a survivor!
D. Murray Mackay
Ponoka