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Don’t tell us how to express grief

Once again we are the reluctant recipients of Ms. Michelle Stirling-Anosh’s vast store of superior knowledge. This time we are being told how we are supposed to grieve for a death.

Once again we are the reluctant recipients of Ms. Michelle Stirling-Anosh’s vast store of superior knowledge. This time we are being told how we are supposed to grieve for a death.

Set aside her assertion that divisive politics are better than co-operation for the common good; and that suspicion and pessimism are preferable to acceptance and hope. What a cynical attitude to carry through life!

It also appears that Stirling-Anosh only saw the final part of Jack Layton’s state funeral. She apparently missed the very moving and even “traditional” sections. She even ignored the sincere applause, the respectful silences, and the genuine tears in the crowds outside the service.

Almost all the funerals I have attended have included some tradition, plus dignity and acknowledgement of deep loss; but also a little gentle humour — and frequently unexpected things as requested by the family (or even at the wish of the deceased as expressed to the family). The conclusion is always expressions of hope and encouragement for those remaining — often through uplifting music.

Which brings me to the criticism by Stirling-Anosh of the “lack of true respect for the dead” — no real outpouring of sorrow at Jack Layton’s public funeral.

State funerals are fully public, in planning and procedure. This is no place for wailing, rending of garments, beating of breasts or other extreme expressions of personal grief. Dignity, introspection, reverence and hope are built into state funerals. All this was clearly expressed in the Layton service, as planned and presented by his family.

Since I do not believe that this columnist was privy to what took place in the Layton household when Jack died, it is presumptuous in the extreme to assume how grief was expressed in private. In my view she has no right to tell anyone how to express sorrow.

No on suggests that suppressing any deep feeling is healthy! If “a good cry” is all it takes for Stirling-Anosh, fine. The expression of such feelings is an intensely personal thing — and absolutely none of my or Stirling-Anosh’s business.

Bonnie Murray

Red Deer